Dana in Geeksville

Virtual Relationships Versus In-Person Ones

For a couple of months I joined in on a regularly scheduled talk in Second Life (SL) called SL Relationships. I found it interesting, and quite frankly really odd, that people were having relationships in SL. In fact, I discovered later in talking with folks that there are many chapels and churches were couples could go to get married. I had to check this out!

I attended these talks for several months, and what I discovered was the discussion soon spilled over into situations regarding in person relationships, and that the problems with relationships in SL were pretty much the same as in-person. SL relationships have some other issues that in-person ones don't have, but by and large, relationships are relationships, no matter whether they are virtual or in person.

All of this got me to thinking about my own relationships in-world and in the real world. I have many friends who I have met only online either via email, discussion forums, or in SL. These folks are every bit as special and as important to me as some of my flesh and blood friends. In addition, some of my friends who are fairly local to me, I talk with more online than in-person, so our relationship is mostly virtual even though we do see each other on occasion in person. Most of the people I work with, I only interact with online, yet they all are all important to me, all very human, and communication is good and healthy, or not.

This leads me to some of the problematic relationships I've had. From time to time, my relationships get strained, difficult, and sometimes completely severed. But it doesn't seem to matter whether this is a relationship with someone I've only known only online or someone I know in-person. Because what it really boils down to is that human relationships are human relationships. They can either thrive or go sour, and that the relationship is virtual doesn't necessarily complicate matters. This loops me back to the issue of couple relationships in SL . . .

I have not experienced this personally, but I have recently met several couples who either live together or are married in-world. Some are also couples in-person, and some are not. What I have noticed is that their relationships appear to have the same pleasures or difficulties as flesh and blood relationships. Yes, in SL you can get a divorce just like in the real world.

Naturally, the first thing that pops into people's minds and the question they ask is, "What about sex?" Well, in SL they can have sex too, but of course virtual sex is not going to be the same as being together in-person. That doesn't mean they don't enjoy it, however. I personally enjoy dancing more in SL than in person.  Additionally, SL couples have some unique problems in communication from being virtual, such as when one's power goes out, a computer freezes, or they can't get online for some reason for days on end. Over the course of time, though, people develop an awareness of these kinds of problems, and those wrinkles get ironed out.

While at first I thought the idea of being a couple in SL was silly and dopey, my view has changed. Honestly, virtual and in person relationships can be equally as rewarding or difficult. It really depends on the people involved.

Somewhat related to this topic is a blog I wrote over the holiday: Who We Are In Real Life Versus SL.

Posted at 12:18PM Jan 06, 2009 by dananourie in Communications  |  Comments[1]