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20051209 Friday December 09, 2005

 Why can't the US make decent film adaptions?

Yes, it's 'whinge of the week time' again...

After blasting the UK media last week, I'm turning my guns on the US this time around. I've getting fed up with Hollywood.

I've been to see three films recently which were adaptions of some of my favourite books.

"War of the Worlds" - H G Wells
"The Polar Express" - Chris Van Allsburg
"Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" - Roald Dahl

Now, I'm always wary of film adaptions as they generally come up short of expectations (notable exceptions include Lord of the Rings and the first Harry Potter film).

War of the Worlds

Recently redone by none other than Steven Spielburg, nothing wrong with that. Starring Tom Cruise... expectations lowered appropriately... Now, anyone who has read this book in its original form knows two things. It was called war of the worlds for a reason, there are two worlds involved, Earth and Mars. The aliens are 'Martians'. It was also set in the UK in the Victorian age. There has already been a tolerable US version, so why set it in the US again and give up on the Martians? It has virtually nothing in common with the original book other than the title. Special effects are up to the usual quality of course, but role on a film adaption that goes with the original story, in the meantime buy Jeff Waynes' musical version and imagine what might have been.

Summary: Absolute rubbish.

The Polar Express

Another disappointment. I really hope Chris Allsburg wasn't involved in this film, because it utterly ruins a great book. The book is a wonderful tale of innocence, childhood lost yet regained and a gentle comment on not growing up too fast. The film, on the other hand is a complete mismash of mild horror (what on earth was that stupid ghost about?), insultingly painful political correctness (the ethnic minorities smugly save the day despite the inadequacies of the dumb caucasians...again), tedious special effects and action sequences to keep the playstation generation awake because nothing actually explodes... The final nail in the coffin is a script which is meaningless, making the conductor (Properly known as a 'Guard', by the way) friendly one minute, aggressive the next and incomprehensible inbetween. The only upside was the music was pretty good other than the hotpotch "christmas hits" medleys near the end.

Summary: Execrable, but get the book, it's great.

Charlie and the Chocolate factory (starring Johnny Depp)

This had me fuming from almost the start. This story is set in North England, against a backdrop of mid twentieth century recession (coal mining towns going out of business). So what do we get? Daft fake english accents done by the american actors, people buying 'candy' bars (what is a candy bar?)... worst of all (YE GODS!) people using 'dollars' in the UK! Not only are you insulting the whole of the UK by implying we don't actually exist, but you're insulting the intelligence of the whole of the US by assuming they can't actually cope with another country having a different currency. Dumbing down or what? Christopher Lee (Wonka's father, a dentist) was way too typecast for this role as well, I kept expecting him to get out his drills whilst wrestling with a stubborn molar and say "The force is strong with this one..." or "Open wider young halfling." Johnny Depp did a pretty good job though. Get the other version starring Gene Wilder back in 1971, far superior.

Summary : Fun, but badly flawed.



( Dec 09 2005, 02:23:56 PM GMT / Dec 09 2005, 01:43:33 PM GMT ) Permalink Comments [3]
Trackback: http://blogs.sun.com/Drew/entry/why_can_t_the_us

Trackback URL: http://blogs.sun.com/Drew/entry/why_can_t_the_us
Comments:

I'm glad to say my radar warned me off seeing any of those. Heretical though this may be, I instinctively avoid anything with Tom Cruise or Tom Hanks in it. They just irritate me...
The flicks which *really* get my goat, though, are the gratuitous remakes of films which were classics the first time around. Four which leap to mind are:
- Get Carter
- The Italian Job
- The Mean Machine
- The Day of the Jackal

To my mind, remaking those is just trading on the 'brand' of the first version, in a way which is not far short of parasitic.
Maybe we should club together and get our revenge: a remake of 'Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid', perhaps. We could set it on the Yorkshire Moors. Obviously we'd need Bob Hoskins and John Hannah for the title parts, and they would have to do Yorkshire accents which limp.

Posted by Robin Wilton on December 09, 2005 at 05:01 PM GMT #

Completely agree. I successfully avoided the Charlie & the chocolate factory remake until my daughter recently made me watch it with her. I hated every minute of it. I hold the original near and dear to my heart.

Posted by skrocki on December 09, 2005 at 05:27 PM GMT #

Can't wait to see what you think of the Narnia adaptation....

Posted by Bill Sommerfeld on December 09, 2005 at 07:56 PM GMT #

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