FlexRex: Fictional Blogger

The principle for Day #34 on the 101-day book report says: "Quell expressions of self doubt in your daily language."

Self doubt is a tough demon for me to wrestle. It's like a feeling of dampness that creeps back in from the cold winters of my childhood sometimes.

I thought about this yesterday at a group lunch, where I was subject to an unprovoked attack from someone. I was guilty of bringing up work as a topic of conversation. After that, it seemed the digs on me were at the ready and it really got uncomfortable.

And that's the thing about self doubt. You can replace it with affirmations and declarative language. You can feel good about volunteering to spend your day building and scrubbing playground equipment. But what is it that prepares you for that a-Ha moment when you figure out that somebody hates your guts?

The principle for Day #33 on the 101-day book report says: "Send love rather than judgment."

I had a chance to give today's principle a try during my morning commute.

I went into the office today to meet up with some other Sun people for volunteer day. And over the course of 20 miles at rush hour, I came across some really aggressive drivers doing things like tailgating and wild lane changes.

Tempted as I was to judge, I just bit my lip and thought the word "love." It was somewhat therapeutic, but the experience made me grateful that I don't have to deal with the commute every day.

As for these motorists, I'm sure they didn't feel any different as they rushed on their way. But if they keep driving like that, love is the only thing they'll be able to take with them.

The principle for Day #32 on the 101-day book report says: "Begin to let go of beliefs that bring you turmoil."

The book I'm reviewing here gives us a kind of framework to examine our beliefs:

1. Beliefs were passed on to you and therefore have doubt attached to them.
2. Things you know come from inside of you.
3. Beliefs should bring your peace.

That's well and good, but it seems to me that beliefs are the heart of much of the turmoil and strife in this world. And if we go down, it will be because we couldn't let go of the things we thought would save us.

The principle for Day #31 on the 101-day book report says: "Avoid exaggeration. That's just your ego at work."

I like to tell stories here, but today's tale doesn't need any embellishment.

My Mom broke her ankle recently and she's been feeling kind of down. So I sent some flowers to her in Wisconsin and they were supposed to arrive today.

But last night as I was walking home, this fellow in a beanie pulled up with a bouquet of flowers. He seemed lost, checking out the house numbers. Then he stopped and asked me if I would deliver the flowers to the next building so he could remain anonymous.

The girl who answered the door was caught offguard. And I think I'll always remember how touched she looked as she asked if the flower man was still around. I told her he sounded like a sweet guy and I went on my way.

As for me, I didn't get to see the look on my Mom's face when her flowers arrived. Or maybe I did.

The principle for Day #30 on the 101-day book report says: "Given the choice to be right or to be kind, always choose kind."

It's not every day that you get a new CEO. As far as your memory is concerned, all future events come before or after the big glacier was there.

And that brings me to today's principle and the new boss.

You don't have to listen to Jonathan Schwartz for long to figure out that he is a brilliant guy. And a lot of us are pulling for him to succeeed.

But one day soon, just like you and me, Jonathan will have to choose between being right and being kind. And he has all the gifts to choose wisely.

You and me? We may or may not be as smart. But in our hearts we know the answer.

The principle for Day #29 on the 101-day book report says: "Give yourself a moment of silence."

We honor the fallen with a moment of silence. It's the greatest tribute we can offer them.

But we can honor ourselves in the same way. I try to treat myself to silence every day, even if it's just for a short time.

And there in the dark with everything shut off, I just sit. It's not noble or heroic, but somehow just being far beyond the reach of noise is it's own reward.

The principle for Day #28 on the 101-day book report says: "Judge not."

I tried to turn off judgmental thoughts today. They would pop in on occasion, but I think I did pretty well by just noticing them and letting them go.

Maybe this is a skill that only comes with age. Jim Horning once said that, "Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement."

The principle for Day #27 on the 101-day book report says: "Accept this contradiction; your body will pass on, but you are an eternal spirit."

When you get into this kind of discussion, it just comes down to beliefs. I would only weigh in to say that if your beliefs bring you peace, I think that's really a wonderful thing.

So I thought I'd google around for some wisdom here and I came up with two quotes that resonate with me:

“What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal.”--Albert Pine.

“I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.” --Woody Allen

The principle for Day #26 on the 101-day book report says: "Resolve not to repeat past mistakes and send guilt out of your life, beginning now."

According to the Wikipedia, Catholic guilt is the idea that feelings of remorse, self-doubt, or personal conflict are created when an individual who is raised as a Catholic, engages in actions that the Church has declared sinful.

Since I was raised as a Catholic, I'll just come out right now and say that I am guilty of a lot of things. For instance, I remember going to Confession as a kid and making up sins because I didn't have any real ones to report.

And, thanks to concepts like Original Sin, I just got the feeling growing up that if I wasn't feeling guilty about something, I ought to have been feeling guilty about that.

But at some point along the way, I made a clean break and forgave myself. And as someone once said, "Forgiveness is giving up the possibility of a better past."

The principle for Day #25 on the 101-day book report says: "If you have addictive behaviors, turn them over to a higher power."

Imagine you work for the Almighty and this email lands in your inbox:

Dear Higher Power,

Addicted

Where do you route this email?
A) The trash (I mean, what nerve!)
B) To the Big Guy
C) Spam filter
D) Dr. Phil

Now keep your answer in mind as I describe my Ultimate String Theory that Explains Everything:
"God is a pushover, but his Admin is a bitch."

The principle for Day #24 on the 101-day book report says: "You are an eternal spirit."

As a marketeer, I would have thought that eternal life would be the ultimate value proposition. How then is it that roughly 50 percent of this country is neither spiritual nor religious?

This week on the This American Life NPR radio show, they had this wonderful story about this guy who decided to start a new religion that would appeal to unconverted. You can listen to it here about 38 minutes in.

To create the most appealing religion possible, they started with a focus group in Manhattan. They ended up with a sure-fire hit that included core values (do good), core practices (do what feels good), and the ideal celebrity spokesman (Morgan Freeman).

But in the whole story, eternal life never even came up.

Maybe Freddie Mercury was right: "Who wants to live forever?"

The principle for Day #23 on the 101-day book report says: "Tame you ego. Try to start your sentences with 'you' instead of 'I' and be more inquisitive."

You are basically a good person. But when you are in a crisis, you forget sometimes to balance the conversation with the person on the receiving end of your vent.

Fear not. This is easy to fix. When starting every sentence with "you," your best bet is to frame it as a question. Because the only thing worse than an interrogation is a lecture.

The principle for Day #22 on the 101-day book report says: "Be conscious of your thoughts and internal dialog."

I think the ego is like this little weather station in your head. All day it gathers a bunch of metrics and runs them through some arbitrary algorithm. Then it spits out some kind of one-dimensional result, like "I am miserable."

The trouble is, an identical set of circumstances on a different day can result in a totally differerent verdict. A cloud passing over the sun can turn your day on its ear.

This brings me to a bit of wisdom a friend shared with me once, "You can never attain happiness; you can only claim it."

And that's the Heisenberg trouble with your inner dialog. Like a spouse who wants to know what you're thinking, just doing inventory turns it into the wrong answer.

The principle for Day #21 on the 101-day book report says you're supposed to write down this affirmation and read it every day: "Nothing goes wrong in my world."

Yesterday, I took my Beetle into the dealer for its 40K preventative maintenance. They have doughnuts and WIFI in the lounge and it's usually a nice quiet place to work on the laptop.

Then this sales guy sits down and starts chatting me up. What are you in for? What kind of car do you have? What kind of laptop is that?

So I decided to go for a walk in the rain. When I got back, the bill was $438 dollars.

Maybe nothing goes wrong in my world, but keeping it that way costs a fortune.

The principle for Day #20 on the 101-day book report says: "Allow others to work out their differences."

This is a tough one. I have friends that are feuding and can't even talk to each other anymore. They're mad at their workmates, their management, and their spouses.

I want to get in there and help them fix things. But I can't. And on that rare occasion when I come into the office, they vent for a while and ask how I'm doing.

I tell them that I can't remember the last time I had an argument.

The principle for Day #19 on the 101-day book report says: "Enjoy this day."

So often we spend our time thinking about tomorrow or something we did in the past. Since it was my Birthday, it seemed only fitting that the day's principle was to enjoy the moment.

I had just the agenda to pull it off:

1. Took day off from work.
2. Got hug and "Happy Birthday" song from kid.
3. Drank coffee.
4. Went for Harley ride.
5. Got haircut and shoe shine.
6. Went to Happy Hour.
7. Went and saw a good band at the pub down the street.

I can't remember what I did for my birthday last year, but maybe that's the point.

The principle for Day #18 on the 101-day book report says: "Think globally. To think we are special diminishes others."

I'm watching the news unfold as immigrants are staging massive protests nationwide. Lawmakers were trying to make it a felony to be in this country illegally, but now they're backing off.

Now, try to imagine a country where there are 10 million felons running around. Your kids go to school with their kids. Beware the landscaper, the roofer, and your cleaning lady. Aiding and abetting a felon is, umm, a felony, I think.

What we are seeing here with these protests are the things that make America great: freedom of speech and Democracy at work. But the prejudice that caused it diminishes us all.

The principle for Day #17 on the 101-day book report says: "Love thy neighbor."

There are places we look for wisdom and places from which we never expect it. Now, think back a couple of years, and imagine that the police just beat the crap out of you and that it was caught on video tape. Riots flare up and people are getting hurt. It's just a matter of time until someone gets killed.

And then, imagine that even though you're not the brightest guy in the world, you have one sentence to offer up to the world. Could you ever do better than, "Can't we all just get along?"

The principle for Day #16 on the 101-day book report says: "Circumstances don't make a man; they reveal him."

Today marks one week survival with the boy and the pug while the eX is off on her honeymoon.

I'm rolling this around in my head when the kid climbs a tree, slips, and wedges his knee hopelessly between two branches. He is calm at first, calling for help as his own weight pulls him farther into pain. I can't move it up, through, or back and he is starting to scream at every attempt.

I can only think to reverse the process that got him here. I push him up and urge him to straightened out his leg. He comes free and we return to the safety of the grass.

And I'm wondering what the circumstances reveal about me here in my own metaphorical tree. I may never be able to climb down on my own, but it's amazing how clear things look when you can't move the lens.

The principle for Day #15 on the 101-day book report says: "The wilderness is therapy."

It was raining today, so I took the boy to see the Ice Age sequel. By the time we got out, the mall was one big, bustling stress inducer.

A break in the clouds after dinner gave us a chance to go to the park. A game of Lava Monster while the pug circled at high speed wasn't exactly the wilderness, but it felt like a day at the beach.

The principle for Day #14 on the 101-day book report says: "Lose the notion that more is better."

I'm thinking about the things I've collected over the course of my life--things like albums and CDs. More was always better.

When you get into your forties, "less" starts taking on a new shine. My cranberry juice has 40 percent less calories and most everything else I buy suddenly has zero grams of trans fat.

Now HP is selling a camera that makes you look thinner. So the next time your wife or girlfriend asks if her butt looks big, you can just say, "Wait, let me get my camera."

The principle for Day #13 on the 101-day book report says: "Your thoughts create your reality."

We've all heard the story of positive thinking, but this is really something much different. If I had to describe it on a cocktail napkin, the theory is that your consciousness is connected to the universe. So whatever you think about, the universe serves it up in your life.

As an example, say you're lamenting on and on that your spouse is a nag. Since this is what you dwell on, this is what you will continue to get. The universe only picks up on the subject matter, not that you think the subject matter really sucks.

The good news is that we can put this theory to work for us.

I have an photomat envelope on my counter. Whenever I catch myself thinking about things I don't want, I picture myself dropping the negatives in there. It's a dumb exercise, but the world is full of images that no one meant to develop.

The principle for Day #12 on the 101-day book report says: "Make no apologies for being who you are."

I remember my first real identity crisis. After 12 years at Cray and then SGI, I was on a sabbatical when my manager left me a voicemail informing me that I had been laid off.

You know, it is easy to accept the idea that you are not your job. But when you lose it after such a long time, you're like a vampire with no reflection.

And then one day, after the crisis had long passed, I got time to try to reverse engineer the circumstances that brought me to the current moment. I began to realize that, as a kid, I had no idea what Popeye was talking about with, "I am what I am and that's all that I am."

But then, who could? I mean, after all, what child knows what he is not?

The principle for Day #11 on the 101-day book report says: "Lighten your load."

I moved to a smaller house about a year ago. Years of possessions had accumulated and instead of having a garage sale, I just piled up what I didn't need and gave it all away.

I think beliefs are like that, too. We pick them up from the piles that people leave out for us. But in the end, the only way they really serve us is when we let them go.

The principle for Day #10 on the 101-day book report says: "Grievances bring turmoil. Communication brings peace."

I've been working on some video parodies for a retiring executive. He's a smoker, so I managed to find some footage of old cigarette commercials.

Their marketing machines were really powerful. I can still remember most of their slogans, even though I was just a kid when they banned tobacco advertising.

There was this one set of ads that always featured a guy with a black eye: "He'd rather fight than switch."

And then it occurred to me, regardless of what they were selling, those were words for a different time.

The principle for Day #9 on the 101-day book report says: "Remove all notions of the impossible from your mind."

I think doubt is the universal self-fulfilling prophecy. But there's more to it than that. We need the impossibility blanket to protect our most tenuous beliefs.

And maybe that is what Arthur Conan Doyle was really thinking when he said:

"Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth."

The principle for Day #8 on the 101-day book report says: "Remove all enemies from your thoughts."

We are all connected. And when we begin to accept this, there are no opposing sides.

This weekend, I agreed to take care of my eX's pug while she goes off on her honeymoon. He is an obnoxious beast and I'm thinking no one would put up with such a creature if he wasn't so cute.

Then I read this rant from some poor folks whose pug puppy got ran over by a car. Their story is truly sad, but they focus on anger and blame.

Meanwhile, my little house-guest radiates unconditional love. His capacity to forgive is giant. And in his shadow, all of us and our petty factions will remain forever pygmies.