This is by far one of the oddest experiences of the entire breast reconstruction process - nipple installation. 

Previously I had been told this part of the process primarily included gathering some skin and stitching to create a nipple....a laid back office procedure. 

In reality the process included scalpels, blood, the Bee-Gee's, and nursing pads.

It all started with Dr. McIronman using his very favorite purple making pen to outline the areas requiring attention this afternoon.  When he was done it looked like he had drawn eyes where the nipples will be...big cartoon disney shaped eyes, minus the lashes.  Next he proceeded to numb the area with a REALLY BIG NEEDLE. 

Then on to the room where I thought there would be some gathering and stitching....

Where in reality there was cutting.  And blood.  Dr. McIronman cut around most of the "disney shaped eye's" he drew on my new perfect breasts.  He left a tiny bit attached....and from that flap of released skin he crafted, through a series of stitches, a nipple.  And, no people, not your average nipple.  Something more like what you might see in an x-rated cartoon.   (Over time, and hopefully quickly, these will recede to more traditional sized attachments).

All while jamming to the Bee Gees....and other late 70's dance music coming through the sound system. 

Did I mention I was stone cold sober, minus a very tiny valium like pill???

The final oddity is the need to use nursing pads to protect the x-rated nipples.  Yup, ironic.  Finally, I'm buying nursing pads, but no baby.  No "real breasts".  But, porno nipples!

I'm really ok with this, it cracks me up.  I can't stop grinning when I think of all the irony and twists of fate.   Really, we do NOT control our futures, we only can manage the cards we are dealt.  We can do it with humor, love, sharing, and a glass of wine.    Or we can climb in bed and pull the covers over our heads, which would be a total waste of our most precious lives. 

More later, I'm off to bed, but not to pull the covers over my head and hide.  I'm being filmed for the Today Show tomorrow.  (And, now, it's not because of my porno nipples!)  I'll keep you all posted on that, but let's say the story includes skiing.  Yeah Ha!!!