Lean Pockets

Dear Jim Gaffigan,

Please push the Lean Pockets. Your fans take your "lazy" routine too seriously. I had to give up a third of my seat to one of your biggest fans. I feel like I deserve a $20 rebate, especially since I was pinned up against the other arm rest the whole show. Perhaps my pain and suffering could also get me back my TicketMaster "convenience" charge. Can you feel me? She could....