Ask the Geezers

When Communication Comes to a Dead End

Question: My communication with my team members vary a lot from individual to individual. Some are more talkative and easier to communicate with. For other people, the best I can get from a closed-door 1:1 is a one-minute project update. How can I get to understand the more silent type?

Sin-Yaw : Be transparent on your objectives. Don't kid yourself. Most people do not befriend their boss. Think about why you wish to have the talk and what you want to achieve from the talk. Then tell the answers straight to him/her.

Ask him/her to prepare for the topic. Send a message saying, "I would like to hear your thoughts on such-and-such during our next 1:1."

Also learn to listen. Focus on the person you are talking to. Try to understand the conversation. Be curious about the topic and ask for details. Be genuine and sincere.

Another thing that could help is to open yourself up. Tell him/her how you feel about the subject and about your own situation. If you are guarding yourself, how do you expect your audience to talk?

Amiram: The responsibility to make the adjustment is yours. It is called "flexing". There are many types of personalities: the "driver", the "analytic", the "amiable". You have to identify with whom you are talking, and make the necessary adjustments in order to communicate effectively with them. For example, with people who are less talkative, I would prepare questions ahead of time. For people whose speech you cannot stop, I would prepare a more directed conversation, and will stop them as necessary.

Mike: Vive la difference. All humans are different. Differences lead to innovations and progress. If everyone were the same, there would be no need for managers/geezers at all.

With the differences among people, it is normal that communication between a given person and other people will always be different. The number of different communication paths among a group of people is the factorial of the number of the people. Fortunately we don't have to take a completely different approach to communicate with every single person.

The first step in communication is to understand who the people are. There are various scales we use to explain behavior and communication styles. The union of all the different scales defines us as individuals.

Think about:
- In what areas is this person more knowledgeable?
- What is his communication style? Is he a talker or not?
- What is his personality?
- Is he task oriented or group oriented?
- Where does he belong in the "situational leadership" zones?

Also bear in mind that there are no absolute "yes" or "no" answers in defining peoples' character. An introverted person might not be introverted all the time. He could be seen as an "extrovert" by people that are more introverted than him.

It is the manager's responsibility to take into consideration all of the factors during communication. You have to be aware of the scales and listen/watch for cues.

If a person is quiet in 1:1's, you should find out what has caused the silence. You should never assume that the person doesn't want to talk because they don't like you. It might be that the person is shy, or he is scared to communicate or he is simply refusing to communicate.

Sometimes the only way to find out about the reason behind the silence is to stop telling, start listening and try hard to draw the other party out into conversation. There have been times for me that during a 1:1, I asked an open question and waited for 10 minutes for a response. People have different tolerance levels for silence. If you don't fill the void with talk, most people will eventually feel the need to talk. You can also try different open questions if one doesn't lead to the communication you are looking for.

For other people, you might need to ask the explicit question "If this is a problem, let's talk about it." That could take some strain out of the situation. At least talking about a problem could lead to a way to solve it.

When you are appointed a manager, there is an implicit management contract established between you and your employees. The contract is never completed and always suspected. You need to continuously build acceptance for your management contract between you and your team members.

With all the means you have as a manager, the eventual aim is to build a relationship of trust and support so that people will bring issues to you and you can be the coach. A person's manager is usually the most important thing for employee's retention. The strength of that bond and the willingness of the employee to accept being managed is the key to success of management relationship.

Editor's Summary:
- On top of other things, effective communication is what it takes for managers to build trust and acceptance into the manager/employee relationship.
- In order to communicate effectively, you need to understand the different types of people and know what skills to apply at which times.
- Stop talking when you are not being talked to. Listening with acumen and sincere curiosity could take the conversation to the next level.

Posted at 11:24PM Jan 29, 2007 by Wen Michelle Lei in Communication  |  Comments[0]