Ashlee Vance of The Register has recently compared me to infamous kitchen gadget pitchman Ron Popeil. Let me clear up two misconceptions that have apparently arisen from this comparison. First, despite some claims to the contrary, DTrace cannot be used to make turkey-jerky. And second, the rumors of a DTrace infomercial starring Tom Vu are absolutely false. (That said, it is true that many have used DTrace to work their way up from lowly busboys to yacht-owning multi-millionaires...)