Toddler Dictionary (page 2)

Thursday May 19, 2005

In honor of our daughter's second birthday, here are a couple of more toddler word definitions:

Howboutagain: v Please repeat. Usage "Howboutagain story. Howboutagain twinkle twinkle how I twinkle."
Birthday Sandals: n Sandals you blow out on your birthday.

The Wall of Tolerance

Thursday May 19, 2005

Here's a bit of cross-cultural trivia. In the upper midwestern United States, parchment diplomas are decorative items suitable for framing or hanging on mom's refrigerator.¹ A transcript is the generally accepted proof of a university degree. A transcript is printed with state-of-the-art technology which in 1987 was green and white fanfold DECWriter paper.

Fast forward to the 21^st century go northeast a few thousand miles, and you'll find that the crucial document to the Irish visa department is the parchment diploma. Even though the important Irish "leaving certificates" are often printed on dot matrix computer paper, the immigration worker looked at my Oshkosh transcript as though I'd passed a dead fish through the slot in the perplex window. I was told that the diploma must be on parchment and it must say B.S. in a specific field of study. So I wrote to the kind folks at U.W. Oshkosh for a replacement for my lost decorative diploma. They were very helpful, but the University of Wisconsin no longer prints diplomas which specify a major degree. In fact, until UW changed printing companies you were lucky to get your correct name, school and BA, BS or PhD spelled correctly. UW's reasoning is that it is too easy to forge a parchment diploma. They have a point, most post 1987 ink jet printers can print a more convincing diploma than my original. I haven't seen a DECWriter in a while, so parchment diplomas might actually be easier to forge than fanfold green and white paper transcript.

The unappreciated frontline government workers did come through in the end and I thank them. I now have two decorative diplomas indicating that I have a Bachelor of Science in an unspecified subject (B.S. Physics, Comp Sci minor) and my wife has two B.A. diplomas which mention neither her Spanish nor her Journalism degrees. But while looking for my original, I dug up another document to hang on mom's fridge:

I doubt if this is what Rosa Parks had in mind, but it works for me. So here is my challenge for the traditional media, try to immigrate or get a work visa into your home country and document what happens. Good luck! I wonder how many of us would have the tolerance to make it through the red-tape and other obstacles at our own border, especially in my homeland where few even bother with a passport?

¹ Were it not for my grades in Digital Signal Processing and Nordic skiing, mom's dodge station wagon might have qualified for one of those "super student" bumper stickers that are so despised outside of the U.S.