Chris Saul's Blog

Tuesday June 02, 2009

Dear drivers in the Old Town/Downtown area of Dubai

Hello there, people who drive around where I live!

Apologies for the intrusion, but I just wanted to talk to you all about something rather important.

You really need to understand that just because a road has two or three lanes, no speed cameras and little in the way of speed bumps or general traffic calming, it does not mean that the road is a racing track.

You may have noticed all the apartments around you when you're whizzing along through the Old Town - they are full of residents. This makes the area a 'residential' area.

'Residential' means that people live there. They need to cross the road occasionally, they might enjoy taking a walk around the place and certainly need to sleep at night.

So, there's no need to rev your Nissan Patrol so hard that it backfires at eleven at night. Testing whether Toyota's marketing brochure was telling the truth when it said your FJ Cruiser and do 0 to 60 in 8 seconds is also something you should do elsewhere. My suggestion would be to do this sort of thing somewhere else - the street you live in, for example. At midnight.

Taxi drivers - testing your Camry's braking distance, or its ability to accelerate hard towards pedestrians is also a bit silly.

Why not use your off day to drive to an empty road in the desert with your friends and get it out of your system there? You could spend the morning racing towards your colleagues as they try to cross the road, indicating left but turning right and slamming on the brakes at the last minute so as not to miss the entrance to an imaginary hotel. After you've had your fun, you can then drive calmly through Downtown to Dubai Mall or to the hotels there. Guess what? You'll arrive at pretty much the same time! Astonishing, I know, but it's true!

Finally, a top tip to drivers picking up customers in branded vehicles belonging to leading airlines, or to delivery men working for local businesses. Cutting people up, flying over the three speed bumps we've been blessed with or generally pretending you are Jensen Buttenstan or Lewis Hamilreddy is also a bit twitty. There's a big sign on your vehicle, so when you endanger people's lives, We Know Who You Are and can call the company you work for to complain about your Formula 1 antics.

This is just a friendly 'heads up', as they say in the States. Carry on as you are and the next time it'll be a friendly 'heads off' as the axe-wielding residents of this residential area chase you away.

Thanks guys!

Chris