Clever Title: Owen Allen's ramblings

There have been no details published about what happened during the meeting between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton last week. Luckily, I have my sources. Here's a detailed, minute-by-minute outline of what happened:

7:00 - Senator Feinstein leads Sens. Obama and Clinton to the living room and leaves. Sens. Obama and Clinton sit.

7:01 - Greetings and pleasantries.

7:02 - Senator Clinton announces that she would prefer to switch seats.

7:03 - After consideration, Senator Clinton decides that she preferred her older seat.

7:04 - Senator Obama raises subject of Tuesday's elections.

7:05 - Senator Clinton makes note of pleasant California weather, mentions her victory in California.

7:08 - Senator Obama makes note of popular vote, delegate totals.

7:10 - Senator Clinton notes her vote totals in Michigan and Florida. Upon mention of Florida, both Senators roundly curse former Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris.

7:12 - Senator Obama returns to subject of popular vote, delegate totals.

7:13 - Senator Clinton gets a glass of water.

7:14 - Senator Clinton raises idea of sharing presidency. Senator Obama asks for a sip of her water and is denied.

7:15 - Senator Obama praises Senator Clinton's record as a Senator.

7:16 - Senator Clinton suggests that she could do better in a more powerful position.

7:17 - Senator Obama returns to subject of popular vote, delegate totals.

7:18 - Senator Clinton notes her support among Hispanics, women, and hard-working white Americans.

7:20 - Senator Obama notes his support among young people, blacks, and lazy white Americans.

7:22 - Senator Clinton questions Senator Obama's dedication to assisting the poor.

7:24 - Senator Obama references his past community service and notes that Senator Clinton is far from poor herself.

7:25 - Senator Clinton notes that, while her personal funds are significant, her campaign funds are slim. Senator Clinton refers to Senator Obama as 'moneybags'.

7:27 - Senator Obama implies that, because of Senator Clinton's financial problems, she is becoming bitter, and will soon turn to guns and God.

7:28 - Senator Clinton says that the conversation is causing her blood pressure to increase, and implies that Senator Obama's health plan would leave her without coverage.

7:29 - Senator Obama states that Senator Clinton's arguments are giving him a headache, and that she could cease making them, thus saving taxpayers the burden of supplying him with ibuprofen.

7:30 - Fisticuffs ensue.

7:30 - In Arizona, Senator John McCain becomes strangely excited and does not know why.

7:39 - After breaking both chairs, their water glasses, and a nearby table in the scuffle, Senator Obama and Senator Clinton collapse to the floor. Senator Obama calls a truce, and Senator Clinton agrees.

7:40 - Senator Clinton begins to cry, saying that ever since she was young, it was her dream to become president, and bring our society one step closer to true equality.

7:42 - Senator Obama begins to cry as well, telling Senator Clinton that he has had the same dream for his entire life.

7:44 - Senator Clinton, after a pause, admits that Senator Obama does not really take plays from Karl Rove's playbook.

7:45 - Senators Clinton and Obama ridicule Karl Rove for his hair and his unfortunate nickname.

7:47 - Senator Obama sneers and does his best Dick Cheney impression, explaining that the damaged furniture is the cost of freedom. Senator Clinton is amused.

7:49 - Senator Clinton manages a near-perfect impression of President Bush, explaining the devastation in the sitting room as 'collatemal damage' and declaring 'Mission Accomplished.' Senator Obama cracks up.

7:51 - Senator Obama tells Senator Clinton that he'd appreciate her help in the upcoming campaign. He compliments her determination and tenacity.

7:53 - Senator Clinton acknowledges that she would prefer Senator Obama as President rather than Senator McCain.

7:55 - Senator Obama notes that being the most powerful person in New York isn't a bad thing.

7:56 - Senator Clinton declares that she will support Obama's campaign, and advises him to begin considering his vice-presidential choices. She winks emphatically.

7:57 - Senator Obama smiles and begins considering. He thanks Senator Clinton for her council.

7:58 - Senator Clinton asks if they have anything else to discuss, and if not, if they can adjourn.

7:59 - Senator Obama declares that 'when the chairs stand up, we can stand down.'

8:00 - Senator Feinstein opens the door, and Senator Obama and Senator Clinton exit, laughing. Senator Clinton declares, once again, that Obama can count on her support in the general election.

8:00 - In Arizona, Senator John McCain feels the icy pang of fear and does not know why.