Sunday March 06, 2005

Top 10 Reasons It's Better to Be a Bartender Than An Engineer
Before OpenSolaris, after we had shipped Solaris 9, I had a chat with a senior engineer, who was trying to figure out his next steps and was a bit frustrated.  The engineer is tremendously talented and sees around corners to find problems that other people consistently miss - and is unlike everyone else in the team.  Classic example of  a brilliant square peg in a round world.  Anyway, somewhere along the way, in frustration he quipped, "Maybe I'll just become a bartender..."  Well, I couldn't take it.  After all, in my mind (apologies to all the marvelous bartenders of the world) it was way better to be a Solaris engineer than a bartender.  Wasn't it?  Isn't it?  I had to do something.  But what?

I turned to Letterman for inspiration.  Growing up, I had moved around every 2-3 years (perhaps that's why I've been in California, and at Sun, for so long - a form of rebellion against constant change.) As a result, I had to learn how to make friends easily.  But being smart got in the way.  So I started trying to make people laugh as a way to break the ice.  At age 11, it seemed obvious that laughter is a great connector.  The sad thing is, try as I might, I'm just not funny.  Well, that's not strictly true.  I do make people laugh.  Only they don't laugh at my jokes - they just laugh at what comes before, or after.  Or when I say, in denial, with full-on earnestness, "No, I didn't break my leg, I only fractured my tibia".  Oh well.  Anyway, this explains why I turned to Letterman for inspiration.  End of disgression.

I decided to create a "Top 10 Reasons It's Better to Be a Solaris Engineer than A Bartender" list as a gift to the square-peg engineer.  Easy to write, after all, since it is better to be a Solaris engineer than a bartender.  But, sigh, so not funny.  When I ran a draft by Bryan Cantrill,  he suggested we turn the list on its head.  And here's the result, my gift to the brilliant engineer, to make him feel appreciated in a backwards sort of way, with help from Adam and Karyn.


Top 10 Reasons It's Better to be a Bartender than an Engineer:

10. You get to throw out annoying customers
9.   The tips are bigger than the sunshare bonus.
8.   You don't have to go to a steering committee to mix someone a drink.
7.   Drunks are not nearly as long winded as Tony.
6.   It doesn't take 6 signatures to hire a new bartender.
5.   It's in a growth industry.
4.   It's a lot more fun to work from home.
3.   You don't need ARC approval for a new Cosmo recipe.
2.   You never look at one of your fellow bartenders and think "what the heck does that guy do all day?"
1.   Being a bartender helps you get action.

There were some much funnier and racier line items, but I didn't have the chutzpah to mail them out back in 2002, and I'm certainly not going to blog them now.  LOL funny, though...

(2005-03-06 15:23:04.0) Permalink Comments [2]