For the last few weeks, I've been exposed to a remarkable number of communication situations that some have considered challenging. People (direct reports, colleagues, friends--all over the place) have pinged me to talk about their situations and ask how I thought they should handle them. Of course, the sub-text for "how should I handle this" reads like "how do I spin this". Perhaps we've just had too many months of political campaigns, but I really don't see why the obvious answer seems so elusive.
In every single situation over these last few weeks, I've counseled just laying it all on the line, and have been baffled about why that wasn't the obvious response in the first place. There's no harm, no shame, in saying no, declining an invitation, or explaining that things just won't work out.
"Thanks so much for the invitation, but I've just got too much on my plate to sign up for anything additional at this point."
"I appreciate the offer of help, but you're offering to help with something that isn't really important anyway--I bet your time could be better used elsewhere."
"I've love to participate, but have other plans already for that day."
"Sorry, but I'm just too damn busy."
"Wow, that sounds like a great idea. I guess I didn't make my objections sufficiently clear. Can we talk about this?"
"I'd love to offer you a better role, but this just doesn't look like a good fit."
"I'm really concerned about how things are going on your project."
I guess that I understand--somewhat--the reluctance to hurt feelings or be inappropriately blunt, but I think it's so much better to just be upfront with things than to hide them behind a veneer of fluff that obscures the real meaning.