While I have no intention of fueling the fire around personal, community, corporate, country level conflict, there is one universal formula that will get that party started - Do as I do, not as I say.
I suspect that I could dig through "The art of War" or Machiavelli's works, or even the Corporation by Joel Bakan and get corroborating opinions, or do some work on conflict through Foreign Policy data...
But this is just a blog. I am sitting here at my computer, and musing. To the 3 or 4 people who have checked on this blog...so, in essence, it's a personal diary.
Dear Diary,
Yet another day has gone by where I see that someone is now upset with someone else. Why? The second party is "doing" to the first party, what the first party is "doing" to the second party. The second party is asking of the first party the exact opposite. Yet, it's no longer in the interest of the first party.
We are now on the verge of escalation between first and second parties in an endless cycle of tit for tat.
First party can't believe second party is behaving this way, particularly since first party was very clear in identifying how they wanted to be treated. Second party thought, no way, you say one thing but you do another, so I am simply going to do what you do. I want what you want.
And so the conflict begins.
Diary,
I have seen this in my own career, where an employee was explicit in the statement that "I am only treating you the way that you treat me".
My comment and feeling was one of surprise and shock. "Really? You are consciously, willfully and actively doing something which you believe to be wrong? Is there a better way to get my attention and address the matters that concern you?"
I suspect that person must have felt, no, there is isn't. I can't get your attention any other way.
Shame. But shame on them for doing it the first time. Shame on me if I repeat the mistake once I have been corrected.
I've seen this written as the Platinum rule. Treat others the way that they want to be treated...they'll tell you in both words and deeds. Follow the words. Address the deeds.
There is inherent risk in calling out the person for any inconsistency in the words/deeds.
It is a courageous act. One is delving into the territory of hypocrisy. And, if there is one lesson in the New Testament that screams out at me, it's this - Criticize Scribes / Pharisees / Colleagues / Spouses / Parents / Mayors / Managers / CEOs / World leaders of their inconsistency between their statements and their actions, and you'll get crucified. Every time.