How The Game Is Played

Jeff's Forum Rules for Busy Professionals

I donate a fair bit of time on the Javagaming.org forums on and off. In the past I've done a fair bit on USENET and in other on-line forums.

I've sometimes felt I should have a personal FAQ, so here it is...

Jeff Kesselman's Personal FAQ

Here's my code, can you fix it?
Long Answer: Sure. I bill $200 an hour in half hour increments with a $1,000 retainer due up front before work begins.
Short Answer: No.

How do I write a Java program that prints out all the 5 letter combinations of the letters in a 15 letter long string? (Or many other similar academic exercises.)
Answer: Do your own g-ddamned homework.

How do I write a game?

Answer: First learn to program. Then think of a game. Then write it.

I want to write a game like Everquest.
Long Answer: Everquest took a team of 30 people 3 years and about 25 million dollars to write. I suggest you set your sights lower and first learn how to code a simpler game. Classic games like Pong, Asteroids or Pac man make great beginning game programmer projects.
Short Answer: You and every other 13 year old.

I want to write a game like Everquest only better!
Long Answer: See above
Short Answer: You and every other 10 year old.

Isn't Java too slow for games?
Long Answer: Java is the equal of C in speed when coded correctly. There are many commercial examples now available. Look at the (dumb) Quake port "jake" or OddLabs' Tribal Trouble, or Agency9's Megacorps for just three good examples.
Short Answer: Where have you been? I don't think its the language thats the slow one in this room.

My buddy tried Java and he says its too slow.
Long Answer: When people first tried C++ they thought it was too slow, too. Any new tool takes new techniques and some time and patience to master. Many of the folks here at Javagaming.org can help you. You might also want to read Steve and My book "Java Platform Performance: Strategies and Tactics."
Short Answer: Your buddy is a no-talent moron.

I tried Java and its too slow.
Long Answer: Same as above.
Short Answer: You're a no talent moron.

Can U s3nd m3 sum war3z?
Long Answer: This is a professional programming forum. You won't find much sympathy for pirates here.
Short Answer: Sure. Send me your name and address and I'm sure the lawyers and police I send it to will be happy to share their war3z with you.

Can U H3lp m3?
Long Answer: This is a professional programming forum. You will find you will get a lot more attention and help if you drop the 7eet d3wd sp33k.
Short Answer: Sure can. Try this: EASL

I'm sure I'll think of more to add to this list over the next few days.

Posted at 01:45PM Apr 29, 2005 by gameguy in General  |  Comments[2]