/dev/null/kevin

I recently took my 2 year old daughter on a paddle boat ride. She loved it and I got a work out. If you've never piloted a paddleboat before (because you were born yesterday) you should know that there is a small lever that controls the rudder, which is supposed to steer the boat. Having played lots of games with joysticks, I assumed that if I moved the lever to the left the boat would turn left, and if I moved the lever to the right the boat would turn right.

I was wrong.

Here is a more accurate diagram detailing how to steer a paddle boat.

I'm sure the fact that I out weigh my daughter by 200 pounds, and the boat was leaning heavily towards one side, had nothing to do with the steering problems.

I saw a commercial for a product that boasted "breakthrough" technology and also made the claim that "you always want breakthrough technology."

Do we? Do we always want breakthrough technology? I don't think so. Here are some examples when I don't:

• Toilet Paper
• Condoms
• Diapers
• Guard Rails
• Seat Belts

I'm perfectly happy if these items don't allow anything to break through them.
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August 23, 2005 08:14 PM PDT Permalink | Comments [2] |

I found the warning label on this Dora the Explorer CD rather amusing.
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August 15, 2005 04:27 PM PDT Permalink | Comments [1] |

I actually missed my own blogging anniversary. It was on Aug 5th 2004 and just like every other first blog post, you can spot it a mile away. What's kind of sad is that I just noticed a typo in it, so I had to fix it.
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August 10, 2005 09:26 AM PDT Permalink | |

TV Guide magazine should be renamed TV Spoiler since they have a nack for ruining plot twists and other story elements with little or no warning. The writers seem to forget, or don't care, that we haven't seen the episodes that they get to see well in advance. It's bad enough when the idiots who make the TV promos give away huge plot details, but TV Guide just lets the spoilers fly in all kinds of random places. You can be reading an article about sports and read a spoiler about the TV show Lost as the writer tries to slip in some hip pop culture reference. And don't even think about reading the little episode descriptions if you want to enjoy a show. They will ruin it in ten words or less: "MOVIE: Crying Game - Everyone is shocked to learn that a woman is really a man."
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August 09, 2005 04:45 PM PDT Permalink | Comments [16] |

San Diego, CA - After the 100th newscaster used the word "pandemonium" in a story about the San Diego Zoo's new baby panda, California Senator Barbara Boxer introduced a bill to make it illegal for newscasters to use puns.

"After enduring years of stories about eggs containing words like eggceptional and eggcellent the time has come to end this proliferation of bad news puns," said Boxer at a news conference. She went on to say, "If news reporters want to be comedians, they should try out for Open Mic Night at their local club."

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger promised to sign the bill and added, "Leave the bad pun making to the professionals. People such as myself and other action movie stars."
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August 03, 2005 11:58 AM PDT Permalink | Comments [2] |

Pasadena, California - Lawmakers in California have passed a new law making it illegal for any scientist to name anything ever again. After Caltech scientists discovered a possible 10th planet in our solar system, they first named it the very boring "2003UB313." Later, they started calling it the unoriginal "Planet X." Finally, they broke the camel's back when they officially named the planet "Xena."

Lawmakers were urged in to quick action when it was discovered that any moons discovered orbiting "Xena" would be named "Gabby" and "Joxer."

Said California Governor Schwarzenegger, "We must act quickly to prevent astronomer Michael Brown from ever naming anything. What if he has children? What will he name them? Ares? Borias? He must be stopped."
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August 01, 2005 09:54 AM PDT Permalink | Comments [2] |