/dev/null/kevin

What to you know if you are an idiot? Here's my list (with apologies to Jeff Foxworthy):

You might be an idiot if...

• You believe in psychics. You're really an idiot if you pay them money.

• You watch "Deal or No Deal" for the strategy. Or for Howie Mandel.

• You drive around with just your parking lights on - on purpose. Really, what are you waiting for? "OK, I'm finally ready to crank it up to full power!"

• You believe any of the "reasons" for gas prices going up, particularly the "reformulating for winter/summer" one. My memory goes back more than 6 months... How about you?

• You wear your BlueTooth headset when you're not on the phone. Ten years ago this same guy would page himself to look important.

• You join any "church" that requires you pay money. I have just two words for you: scam and cult.

• You can't wait to see what the groundhog did. Hey, did you ever count six weeks after GHD on a calendar? Look! It's the official start of spring. What are the odds?

• You pay full price for a pizza. Ten million trees die each year just to print those coupons. Use one.

• You buy the extended warranty from the electronics store. Sucker!

• You "super-size" it. You don't need the extra fries and there are free refills. Sure it means extra trips, but you could probably use the exercise, fatass!

• You take me seriously.

Have you seen the new Bitty Browser? It's an embeded web browser that you can put into a web page. Look below and you will see a functional browser. Try it out!

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March 14, 2006 07:57 AM PST Permalink | |

The folks at http://hoth2014.com are petitioning for the 2014 Winter Olympics to be on Hoth. They are currently looking for new events to spice up interest. I made the following suggestion: Partner with Reality Shows!

• Admiral Survivor!
• Fear Factor Tauntaun guts eating challenge
• The Amazing Base Evacuation Race
• Bounty Hunter Idol
• The Real Asteroid
• Extreme Makeover: Corellian Freighter Edition
• The Sith Apprentice
• Mynock Hunter
• Who Wants to be a Jedi Knight?
• Do or Do Not

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March 09, 2006 02:53 PM PST Permalink | |

I'm going to revolutionize the rock climbing, Ninja and spy industies with my new design for the grappling hook.

My idea it to use the same design as the ear buds for MP3 players, only larger, because those things grab onto anything and everything. Seriously, anything that can stay in your ear forever should have no trouble hanging on to a tree or the top of a building. I just need to manufacture enough super-sized foam covers, because those things get lost all of the time.

Also available in iGrapple white!
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March 09, 2006 10:52 AM PST Permalink | Comments [2] |

One of the themes from Academy Awards was that DVDs are bad and that you should watch all movies on the big screen. They obviously feel that the decline in movie ticket sales is related to high DVD sales. Who knows, they could even be right, but what makes them all hypocrites is that in the gift basket given to all presenters (worth over US$100,000, btw) contained a one year membership to NetFlix.
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March 07, 2006 08:11 AM PST Permalink | |

You know the Oscars are too long when I can leave in the middle, play a hockey game, shower, get food, and drive home, and still not miss any major awards.

If the people who run the Oscars really want it to be shorter, they must do away with most of the endless montages. Even John Stewart joked that he was looking forward to the "Montage of Montages."

They also need to do away with the "old guy talks for too long" part. This is when the president of the Academy talks about something no one cares about and the viewers all take a massive bathroom break.

And with all due respect to the Lifetime Achievement winner, maybe less montage for him/her as well. We don't need to see their entire lifetime in clips.

Finally, how about a time limit on the presenters' banter? The award *winners* are given the hook after a few seconds, but the presenters can go on for ever and ever and ever. Yes, I'm talking to you Ben Stiller, Lily Tomlin and Meryl Streep!

Oh, and stay tuned for when "ET" shows you how to get Oscar fashions at a fraction of the cost on Tuesday's "groundhog day" show. I hate that show.
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March 06, 2006 10:33 AM PST Permalink | Comments [2] |

There have been plenty of articles in the past few month about how people think they are watching HDTV, but aren't.

Well, the problem is actually worse, if my friends and family are any indication.

Far too many times I am seeing people watch their shows using the wrong aspect ratio. Standard resolution shows are stretched to wide screen, or the "HDTV" is displaying an SDTV (Standard Definition) signal that is displaying a "letterbox" show. It's really quite ugly.

Here's what standard images look like when stretched into wide screen.

Normal Image	Streched Image

They say that the camera adds 10 pounts, but now the TV is adding 40 to 50 pounds!
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March 03, 2006 01:31 PM PST Permalink | |