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Friday November 09, 2007 | Never Giving Up vs. Knowing When to Quit | Life |
Should you "Stay the Course" or "Know When to Fold 'Em"?
I recently read an article on parenting that claimed telling kids "good effort" is better than telling them "good job" or "you're smart." The concept of "too much praise is bad" has been around for a while. Countries that don't focus on the students' self-esteem score better on tests than countries than heap on the praise (link).
So, the new thinking is to teach kids to try hard and not to give up. New research (and I can't find the link here's a new one) shows that kids who are told "good effort" do better the next time they try a task, regardless of how well they did the first time. Kids who are told "good job" do the same, or worse, the next time they try. The assumption is that the "good job" kid likes the praise and is fearful of losing it if they can't do the task again. Whereas, the "good effort" kid know he will get the same praise as long as he tries hard again. Thus, rewarding the effort and not the result.
This is a reasonable, and I've been doing it with my daughter. She's smart but she can also be lazy. She figures out most things right away, and thus can get lots of "good girl" and "you're smart" praise. But if she can't figure something out right away she gives up quickly. I don't want her to do that because I know she can figure it out.
Switching to "good effort" praise, and some Disney Princess videos with "never give up" themes, have had some positive impact. She has learned no to give up.
But perhaps she has learned it too well.
She recently broke a rubber toy by stretching it too much. I am The Fixer of the house. I have repaired many things using my arsenal of glue, sewing kit and clear packing tape (duct tape is old school). But this rubber toy was beyond my help.
"But Daddy, never give up! You'll get it."
"Every rule has an exception" is also a good life lesson to teach.
Tags: perserverance quitting
November 09, 2007 09:38 AM PST Permalink | Comments [2] |
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Kevin Chu, Some Rights Reserved.
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