/dev/null/kevin

Not one, but two three really bad places to eat today.



Yes, it's Hitler's Cross.  What marketing genius came up with this?  Was "Bin Laden's Deli" taken?



How hungry do you have to be to come up with this idea?  Yes, it's the USBBQ.  Sorry, can't use the mouse, keyboard or printer today.  I'm cooking prepackaged meat from a bag!  This restaurant should be called "T.G.I. Triconosis"

Update!

Thanks to Walter for this new entry: Toilet Bowl Restaurant.  Don't order the pupu platter.



Tags: humor restaurant stupid
August 24, 2006 10:20 AM PDT Permalink | |

OK, I'm getting old. And as such, I've earned the right to talk about the past.

As a child of the 80s, I've seen all sort of things go out of style, come back, and go out of style again (yes you, bell-bottom jeans and Donny Osmond). However, there are a few things that went away and I don't think are ever coming back.

Today's Edition: Music

• The Fade Out.
  Songs used to not end, they just faded out and got quieter and quieter. What was with that? How lazy are you to not write an ending for your song? I'm sure it played better on the radio or something, but with the iGeneration out there I don't think that's ever going to fly again.

• The Never-Ending Song
  While some songs faded out on the radio, the live version of a song might never end. Endless "solos" and schtick could prolong a song well past its expiration date. I'm listening to a live version of Y&T's song "Forever" and it's taking forever for this song to end. I checked and it took one minute and 20 seconds from the "last" note to when they actually stopped playing.

  
  

• The Gong.
  There was a time that every drummer had a huge gong behind him. We're talking 6 to 8 feet across here. It must have weighed 100 pounds, not including the huge stand required to hold it. And for what? How many songs needed that gong? One. Just one. And I don't mean "one song per band" - I mean one song in the history of songs. That song was Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen. So unless you are Roger Taylor, it's back to Gong World for you.

  
  

• The Drum Solo.
  I'm picking on drummers since I am one, but the era of the self-indulgent drummer is over. Sorry guys. In the old days drummers like John Bohnam and Neil Peart would go off for hours while their band mates got high and scored with groupies (true!) but no more. The truth is, no one wants to hear it except the other drummers in the audience. The chicks all want the lead singer anyway.

• Kung Fu.
  OK, this might be limited to David Lee Roth and Van Halen, but you just don't see lead singers doing martial arts on stage any more. Is the world a better place? You decide.

  
  

• The Bridge.
  Don't know what a musical bridge is? It's neither the chorus nor the verse, but it ties the two together. It also takes some musical talent to write. Some bands think a bridge is a guitar solo or a rap break. Please. Some of these bands set the bar so low that I'm impressed if I get a key change out of them.

• Keyboards.
  Now of course bands have keyboards, but when was the last time you actually heard one played as a keyboard? Unless it's being a piano you don't. The keyboard has become an effects and sequencing system. You'll hear sustained chords and sampled sounds but you never hear that synth sound anymore. It must tough to be Jean Michel Jarre now.

Next up: Things you just don't see on TV anymore.

I recently took my 2 year old daughter on a paddle boat ride. She loved it and I got a work out. If you've never piloted a paddleboat before (because you were born yesterday) you should know that there is a small lever that controls the rudder, which is supposed to steer the boat. Having played lots of games with joysticks, I assumed that if I moved the lever to the left the boat would turn left, and if I moved the lever to the right the boat would turn right.

I was wrong.

Here is a more accurate diagram detailing how to steer a paddle boat.

I'm sure the fact that I out weigh my daughter by 200 pounds, and the boat was leaning heavily towards one side, had nothing to do with the steering problems.