Tuesday June 14, 2005

A Few of My Favorite Things
I have been using Solaris for a long time now.  In fact, I remember using Solaris 2.3 when it first came out, and I was glad to have it! I would have never imagined all those years ago that this great operating system would eventually be available with an open source license. As a long time user of Solaris as a desktop, I thought it would be fun to assemble a few desktop tidbits for your perusal.

Typing in the same language

I use the Dvorak keyboard.

When I tell people that, they generally make a comment about how great ergonomic keyboards really are.  Those 5 words have gotten me into the longest explanations about keyboard remapping you could possibly imagine.  Generally a full understanding of what I am talking about only follows when I invite the other person to try to type on my laptop.

To add to the confusion, there are companies out there marketing Dvorak keyboards as a separate thing that you plug into your computer.  The Dvorak keyboard is not hardware, but rather a different way of looking at the arrangement of keys on the keyboard.  This is a good thing.  While I love new hardware, imagine me walking around with my very slim Ferrari branded Acer laptop and a separate keyboard.  That is so much stuff that it doesn't fit on my lap, so I would need to put the laptop on a desk with the separate keyboard on my lap.  Now the laptop is so far away from me that I need to hook it to a larger monitor...  That puts me in need of a power strip so that I can simultaneously charge my laptop and drive the monitor while not hogging an entire outlet, should I be in a coffee house or other such public location.  Besides, with me now lugging about my desk, monitor, power strip, and keyboard it really wouldn't be much more trouble to bring along a photocopier, fax machine, and a lamp to fill out the entirety of my office needs.

No, this is clearly the wrong direction.  Mobile computing doesn't mean that you bring your entire office infrastructure with you - it means that you can work effectively with less than a full office.  That is the beauty of the Dvorak keyboard - it allows you to type with a more efficient keyboard mapping without additional hardware.

The letters on the keys don't match what the computer types when you press them.  It is confusing at the very least.  There are many good reasons why folks use the Dvorak keyboard.  I use it because it actually does eliminate hand and wrist pains when I type all day long.

As you might have guessed, my first tip has to do with changing the keyboard layout in Solaris.  There are two easy ways to do this - xdvorak and xmodmap.

I have used xdvorak for a very long time.  It is a program written in C that changes the X keyboard mapping using the XChangeKeyboardMapping from the Xlib library.  It has the advantage of being able to detect which keyboard is currently installed and when executed subsequent times it switches between Dvorak and QWERTY.

NOTE: When compiling xdvorak, you must be sure to use the -DXLIB_ILLEGAL_ACCESS compiler flag because it uses Xlib APIs that are not generally available to clients.

More recently I have taken to using xmodmap to install the Dvorak keyboard mapping.  This is very easy to do, and has the advantage that there is nothing to compile and you can easily customize the specifics of the keyboard to your liking.  Marcus Brooks has excellent mapping info on his site.  I used the Jeff Bigler mapping from that site on Solaris with no trouble at all.

A Picture is Worth ...

... nothing if you can't get it off of your digital camera.  This section focuses on techniques for reading USB memory devices and can hopefully improve the value of your pictures as they have for me.  Remember - without the ability to read the contents of your Compact Flash card, it is just expensive plastic that your camera requires to make that cute clicking noise when you take pictures.

Ok, go ahead and plug in your memory device into a USB port.  Be sure you are running Solaris 10 - our folks have done tons of work in this area that was put into the latest release.  No advantage to swimming upstream here.

Once your  memory device has been inserted, it is generally automatically mounted by vold(1M).  The mount point will be /rmdisk/rmdisk?, you have to check the date to be sure you have the right one.  If the memory device simply did not mount, restart vold [pkill -V as root, then restart with vold&].

So that's my big trick.  Plug it in and then look in the right place.  The more tricky part is when you want to unplug it.  If you are doing writes to the device and don't care about the contents or the need to reformat, go ahead - unplug it.  I dare you. :-)  Actually, it will probably be ok.  Your data will likely be fine.  Your pictures which cannot be replaced probably won't be damaged in any way.

If you are like me, using "probably" like that generally means that it isn't going to be ok. It would probably be worth learning how to remove the memory device without causing file system corruption that leads to data loss.

Removing the device is easy enough, but you have to unmount the device and get vold out of the way first.
    su root
    umount /rmdisk/rmdisk0
    pkill -V

Now use the cfgadm tool to figure out which USB  ID is associated with your memory device:

    cfgadm

In this case, the memory device is sitting on USB identifier "usb1/2".  Use that identifier to disconnect the device:

    cfgadm -c disconnect usb1/2

Now try the cfgadm command again to see that the device is actually disconnected:

    cfgadm

It is now safe to unplug your memory device from the USB slot.


The Laptop Zone

We have probably all heard about Solaris 10 Zones (or containers) by now.  I certainly don't need to beat that drum, but I offer a twist to the usefulness of zones.  When applied to a laptop, Solaris zones can help solve otherwise tricky networking issues.

Imagine that you have a laptop that you use in a coffee shop, at home, and at work.  You drag the thing everywhere, so you have resigned to using DHCP for your network configuration.  Also, because you probably aren't using NIS or NIS+ at the coffee shop and possibly not even at your house, you might choose to not have a naming service when you configure your laptop.  This generic configuration is a good catch-all for a mobile device.

Unfortunately, this configuration can leave you hanging when it comes to full connectivity at work where you do have a naming service that everyone uses.  What if you want to use NIS at work and no naming service at all while at home?

Enter the Zones ... er ... zone.  With Solaris 10, you can configure your laptop to use DHCP in the global zone, and other more customized network configurations within other local zones.  While you cannot yet use DHCP in a local zone, you can configure a local zone with a static IP address and a different naming service type than the global zone is configured to use.

When you use the laptop at home, you can simply use the global zone with DHCP.  When you go in to work, simply boot the appropriate local zone (which consists of a naming service and a static IP address) and then ssh into that zone, set your $DISPLAY environment variable for remote display of the local zone onto the X server being executed from the global zone.

To be clear, you have to log in to the global zone in this configuration.  With the default zone configuration, it is not possible to drive your monitor from a local zone.

Using this configuration, I have been able to treat my laptop the same as any other machine on our network.  Coworkers can ssh or ftp to my laptop by fully qualified hostname while I am at work. Their home directories will be automounted. They will feel completely at home.  Also I can run a web server on my laptop, which is tricky to do in a useful way with DHCP.

While we are on the Zones topic, I co-authored a paper on zones targeted at developers recently.  If you are wondering whether your software will work in a zone, check it out.  It has tons of useful information, and good tips that help you sort through the problem of getting your application running in a zone quickly.

Getting Burned

And finally, what desktop is complete without the ability to burn CDs? This is easy enough on Solaris using the cdrw(1) command. Get the volume manager out of the way (vold), insert your writable CD, and point cdrw at your .iso file:
su
pkill -V
cdrw -i myISOFile.iso


cdrw will automatically find your burner (you do have a burner, don't you?) and burn the specified image onto your media.
Don't have a .iso file? You can make one easily using mkisofs(1M).

One of the reasons that the ability to burn your own CD is so interesting to me is because of the very efficient use of space. Imagine that you can put 700MB of data on a very thin wafer of mostly plastic. Using the calculations found in my earlier piece, this slender disk of plastic can store the equivalent of about 76458 2/3 pages of text on a CD! That is about 153 reams of paper! With this technology, you don't have to lug all of that paper around! You can burn it on a disk. You can fling it in a wastepaper basket like flipping a card into a hat. No trees had to be ground to tiny bits to give you the power to do what you will with all of that data.

Wednesday September 01, 2004

Decorating the past

Today was a slow driving day. Not that traffic was a problem - I was simply tired. Exhausted. No measurable sleep at all. It must be some type of automatic safety mechanism or something. That perhaps the distance traveled during the blinking of one's eye can be used as a measure of how much speed you are prepared to safely deal with. Your mind knows when you are in trouble.

Do you ever find yourself driving while tired, and your drive looks like a cartoon flipbook? The images start and stop in fits. Not very smooth in many places, where maybe several pages got stuck together. Not good! Pull over!

Even in my sleep-deprived stupor, I noticed something interesting today and started thinking. I had more time to think than usual, but I honestly don't think you will be able to tell by my writing of it here.

I was driving behind a car that had something hanging from its mirror. Now this is a really odd practice that I don't fully appreciate, I think. Given that I tend to think quite a lot about time, progress, and that I am opposed to going backwards if it can be helped, I am quite certain that I'm missing the entire point of these dangling artifacts around rearview mirrors.

Think about it. The mirror itself is for looking backward. Use it when going in reverse. Use it to observe a different angle of roadside trouble after you have passed it. Use it to verify that the car behind you is a police car and its lights are on. Or don't use it at all, in most cases I see.

The windshield is for looking forward. You simply have to do this for most of your driving activity, though it isn't always clear that this idea is being used to full extent by my road sharing companions. Use it to see trouble ahead and avoid that trouble. Watch the actions of other drivers. Plot a course to your destination safely in real time as you go. The windshield is very important.

The crap that people put around their mirrors - that is the thing I simply fail to understand. It is like a frame around the mirror. An attractive dressing for things past. Or perhaps an interesting decoration on the frame of your self portrait, should you have the mirror so adjusted.

At the same time these random items around the mirror celebrate things past - the things you past - the things behind you that likely offer no danger to you whatsoever, these decorations occlude the view of things you are traveling quickly towards. They block your view of things ahead of you, and decorate the things behind! Tell me we are not all going backwards! This sounds like exactly the opposite of what we need.

It gets more interesting when you consider the various things that people put on their mirrors.

What type of statement are we trying to convey with handcuffs attached to the mirror? Is that a veiled statement about public safety? Are there specific drivers that should feel compelled to offer such displays more than others? Is it perhaps a political statement of sorts? "I would vote, but I feel like my hands are tied"? Should I feel better when I see someone with handcuffs on their mirror? Perhaps something close to "glad to see you finally got those off - I was worried that they might affect your driving"? Honestly, this display really freaks me out.

Fuzzy dice are another item that people will adorn their mirrors with. As if to say if they arrive safely at their destination, they will feel lucky. That each manuever that they execute on the road is taking a chance. Good that they call attention to this in particular, because realize that they can't see in the forward direction as well as others. They really are lucky. Rabbit feet are another offering in this same category. To tell you the truth, I really feel unlucky driving around near these luck-hopeful people. That the chances they take are going to affect me in a most unlucky way. Mostly because they are depending on their luck and not their ability to actually see to make their driving decisions.

The mirror artifact that scares me the most, though, is the dreamcatcher.

Native Americans are said to believe that dreams are messages from the spirit world. The dreamcatcher is supposed to draw dreams to its webs. The good ones find their way through the hole in the center. The bad ones are caught and melted by the Sun. It's a filter. Apparently bad dreams are significantly larger than the good ones, and while that sounds like a bad thing, it does at least allow us to use a fairly simple contraption to weed them out. As much as I looked on the web, I couldn't find any cautions about enlarging the hole in the center or even lubricating the threads in your dreamcatcher such that the bad dreams could simply slip off without being melted. Those latent bad dreams could pile beneath where the dreamcatcher hangs, and eventually this might present a nasty tripping hazard at the very least.

But the scary part for me is that unfiltered dreams have apparently presented a problem for many of our fellow motorists. Such a problem were these dreams in fact, that these people were spurred into action, researched the problem, and found a technology that could help them, but only if the dreamcatcher is installed in close proximity to the place where they experience the bad dreams. Well, I certainly wouldn't want them to have a bad dream while driving near me. Maybe I'm selfish, but I don't really want them to have a good dream at that time either.

And given that the dreamcatcher is installed in the car, doesn't this sound backwards? If it really is a problem, wouldn't you want only the bad dreams to get through? When is the last time you woke up in a start with cold sweat all over you because you just had the best dream you have ever had? The bad dreams at least have a chance of waking you up!

Thursday August 26, 2004

Horses notice everything

Have you ever watched a horse race? Big animals running as quickly as they possibly can around a fairly uninteresting track with a small person awkwardly poised on its back spurring it to success using positive encouragement and a whip almost always draw a crowd. Have you noticed that this spectacle is apparently so interesting that even the horses might get distracted?

I'm not sure what it is about this arrangement that could be considered so distracting. Horses running. One of them will always win. I suppose the most interesting races end with a winner that can only be determined by reviewing photos. Or maybe it is money changing hands in excited gestures. Perhaps grown people pumping their fists during the race thinking perhaps they will be able to change the outcome of the race with their actions and thoughts.

But how would the horse know any of this? Does a horse know before or during the race that it will be an interesting photo finish? Does he understand the very human concept of currency? I don't tend to think so. But whatever the horse may find interesting, it is interesting enough to make him lose his focus. How do I know? Because the horses always have to wear blinders during the race.

I used to think this was evidence of human cruelty. Exploiting an animal for entertainment. Limiting his sensory input during his very limited lifespan with small plates of leather made from the carcasses of fellow animals being exploited in completely different ways.

Since, I have learned that this simple technique actually can be the deciding factor in a race. I guess I'm slow, or maybe I didn't really care about horse racing enough to figure this out until relatively recently. It's a business. Winning is a winning strategy. The horses really do get distracted by just about anything.

I feel sad for the horses. They must be so stupid that they can't focus for just a few minutes at a time while they race as quickly as their bodies can carry them.

Their mental thread is constantly being interrupted by practically nothing at all. Nothing of any possible consequence to them. Maybe they are unlucky to not have the so very evolved brain that humans have been gifted with.

On a completely separate topic, have you ever noticed freeway traffic patterns near the scene of an accident? So many motorists slow down to take a look at whatever the issue is that it can hold up traffic in that area of the freeway for literally hours. Sometimes it is simply someone changing a tire. Sometimes it is a horrible accident.

Have you ever been waiting in traffic for a long time to get past such a scene? By the time you get to the actual scene, are you ever so curious about what has taken time out of your limited existence to warrant this time penalty that you simply have to take a look? Is it always interesting? Does it ever disappoint you? Is it ever worth the look?

Continuing on with the Connections entry from last time, this simple action of delaying your departure from the scene of whatever distraction affects others. You slowed down, so it must have been worth your time to look. Should the guy behind you that has waited patiently for you to sort it out not take the time to reap the same benefit that you obviously have?

If you do this, you have used your influence in an interesting way. Your influence continues the investment of human energy and time into absolutely nothing. No gain is possible in this situation. I've never seen someone who wasted other people's time at the scene of highway trouble come out of it a better person or in a better position in any way. Best case, it is nothing. Worst case, it is a horrible scene of death that will leave you with things to discuss with your therapist later. Lose - lose. What's the point?

In some countries, they put up visual barriers to minimize the impact to the passing traffic. Do you wish they would do that where you live? I'm not so sure if I would feel any better about that, but I do understand the point.

I feel sad for the people. They must be so stupid that they can't focus for just a few seconds at a time while they operate their deadly contraptions of transportation past a point of trouble in the road.

Maybe by putting blinders on everyone, we could save valuable time that would otherwise be lost energy and potential.

I think that people are smart, but perhaps don't think about how their behavior negatively affects those around them. They don't understand their own influence. There must be a way to fix this.

I realize that there may be a segment of the human population that is completely fascinated with roadside complications of all types. Perhaps it is these specimens that are causing all of the trouble. I think there could still be a solution.

Let's work together. Let's realize that some folks do need to see even the most mundane of highway angst, and they are going to need lots of details. For those that have journalistic ambitions, could we have you pull over at any such highway scene you encounter and take pictures and notes? Interview anyone and everyone at the scene. We need you to write a book about it. I want to see if the sales of that book match the human investment it takes to create it. That would be a good measure of exactly how interesting these events truly are.

For everyone else, I really need you to stay focused on the road and drive. If it doesn't involve you, ignore it. Think: blinders. If it does involve you, deal with it in a manner respectful of other people's time. And don't drive on the shoulder - that's where the remnants of highway angst are most likely to end up.

It doesn't take much thought to realize that a few seconds of delay in a heavy traffic situation can cause a cascade of tiny events costing literally years of lost time for the set of people following. Like the horse being distracted by money changing hands on the sidelines, the benefit of such notice seems hardly worth the price.

Tuesday August 24, 2004

Connections

Today I have been thinking about connections. Connections between people. Between events.

As I often tend to do, I will open with a bit of a story.

I have two dogs, one of which I introduced in my entry on Friday's entry. Heidi (or tiny fat dog) is a deaf cattle dog who is afraid of people to a degree, probably because she is deaf. The other dog, Tazz, is also a cattle dog. But Tazz is afraid of dogs. His story is that he got attacked by a pack of dogs when he was very young.

These two dogs and their issues make for exciting times when I take them for walks together. I can deal with either one of them separately by either going a route that isn't populated by dogs or by telling people not to try to pet my dog if they show interest. But together these dogs make a very interesting pair.

One day I was walking both dogs together when I came across two dogs that were loose. The dogs came near, and Tazz ran to my leg and started barking wildly. Heidi saw this situation and ran out on the leash as far as I would let her and held the two other dogs at bay. In this configuration, we had achieved at least a stability that I was fairly comfortable with.

Momentarily, the owner of the other two dogs approached. I was really quite happy with how things had worked out so far, but this occurance threatened to throw a wrench in the works for me.

Heidi saw the owner approaching and backed away - closer to me. The other two dogs ran to their owner, and Tazz went out on the leash to meet the approaching person and to protect Heidi. Ahhh. Another comfortable balance.

An interesting dance in the cosmic irony that brought us all together - two people, two sets of two dogs, two fears, and a comfortable balance.

This story makes me consider how the things that I do may make others react. That sometimes the things I say might have enough influence to affect change in someone else's existence. That maybe in some odd way I have saved lives or unwittingly lead to the formation of great ideas, or at the very least perhaps I have improved the lives of others in some measurable way.

As an example, I was talking to a friend who's wife was considering getting a bumper sticker. After reading my piece on bumper stickers, she decided not to get one. I had no idea that this was even going on, but I still played a small role in a decision that could possibly change the future of several people and their car. Ok, so that's probably a stretch. I don't expect that I have saved lives here, but at least I feel that my friend and his wife are safer today than they might otherwise be.

We are all connected in some way. It was Einstein that presented the singular thought that "Everything is moving". This brilliant idea applies not only to heavenly bodies and frames of reference, but also to people. As individuals, our situations and conditions are in constant flux.

Everyone lives at the edge of their own personal event horizon - that fine space between choice and decision, between now and the immediate future, between option and consequence. This is the space that advertisers aim to control. They wish to manipulate buying decisions and make them habit. Part of the background radiation of life.

Information in whatever form that is present at the time that a person makes a decision can change the outcome of that decision. A simple thing. But that single decision sets up a reality for subsequent decisions. And many of the small decisions that people make influence the decisions of other people. A cosmic cascade of matter falling into place like a domino train of incomprehensible scale. An ocean of event horizons reacting to an idea skipping across their respective surfaces.

Personal change begins with a single decision. Community change begins with the sharing of a single decision. We are all connected, so you have more influence than you might think.

Sunday August 22, 2004

The odd shoe

I was driving on the freeway on Friday. I love the freeway. Driving about in my car as quickly as I can, slower than some, faster than most. What a wonderful feeling it is to drive. Something about change. Changing your position over time with the subtle application of pressure on a lever. Such power that is afforded by this simple action.

As I drive, I can sometimes feel myself getting younger. Or at least I stop ageing for a short time. I love that feeling. Don't get me wrong, I don't tend to go near the speed of light, so Einstein's Relativity and its consequences with respect to time probably don't apply. I guess it just makes me happy.

On Friday as I was driving in the fast lane, I saw a thing that is very common yet interesting at the same time. A shoe. Not a dress shoe that might have inadvertently flown out of the car as some ecstatic driver began changing for his Friday evening while driving home. No, a simple tennis shoe. In the shoulder by the fast lane. It really makes you think, doesn't it?

How do these random shoes get scattered in places that people don't ordinarily move about as a consequence of wearing shoes? When either driving or riding in a car in the correct fashion, the shoe is probably the least likely item of apparel that would get inadvertently lost, isn't it? I mean, provided that you still have floorboards in your car.

I have seen folks that smoke and will hang their cigarettes outside their car. Sometimes I see them dispose of their cigarettes by simply dropping them as they drive. I have never seen someone do this with their shoe. Never. Does that happen?

A perplexing dilemma, really. Do the people notice only upon arrival to their destination? Perhaps it will come to their attention that they have one bare foot as they try to cross a hot parking lot. Maybe they travel with spare shoes because this has become such an annoyance. Perhaps they can be seen walking into a shoe store shortly afterwards, seemingly very prepared with one shoe already removed and their size on the tip of their tounges as if they have no time to waste at all.

I have heard stories about pedestrians being struck by vehicles. Often, they come right out of their shoes. The friction, perhaps. Maybe the shoes get completely destroyed - they come apart. Not sure. I really hope that isn't it. I mean right in the middle of a freeway and whatever. That's not a good place for people without their favorite car. Honestly, I don't think that is the answer. I'm not sure why. Maybe because it is only one shoe. Perhaps because the shoe looks to be in good condition. That if it had a sign with large letters indicating the shoe's size and which foot it was made for, maybe someone would pull over and give it a good home.

Perhaps this is a consequence of shoes being made lighter. No need to stomp around with heavy shoes in the age that brought us cell phones so small that you have to key in the desired number with a pen. Maybe shoes have become much lighter than I am aware of. So light these shoes may be, in fact, that you really need to consider closing your windows as you drive at high speed. The difference in pressure between the wind rushing by your open windows and inside the cab might make it possible for your shoes to float. I'm trying to imagine the path of such a shoe that has come out of the cab of a car and is now being tossed about by air currents moving around the car. Will the following car not get a big shoe print right in the middle of its windshield? It seems almost inevitable, but I haven't seen that sort of evidence either.

It seems ridiculous, but perhaps where the shoe owner is going, they won't be needing shoes any more. They toss the shoes easily from the window as they drive, the resulting sense of freedom this action affords growing with each such deposit. I've looked on the map, and I can't find such a place. Maybe I don't even know what I'm looking for - that place that would make me kick my shoes off, drive wrecklessly into the fastlane and shout "So long!" as I hurl my expensive shoes through the window one at a time. When looking back, perhaps I would say "It just didn't seem worth keeping them on at the time."

Or, perhaps the answer to this puzzle is far more "pedestrian", should you excuse my transportation pun. Maybe something far closer to home. Something rooted in capitalism and waste as a byproduct of expedience. I think I get it now. I know the answer to this riddle. I understand completely. You see, the owner of the shoe was going to "toss it out" anyway, and like me, they have to pay for their trash service.

Friday August 20, 2004

The riddle of the monkey's hand

As promised, the wrap up of the Monkey's Hand challenge. If you have no idea what I'm talking about here, you should first take a look at the challenge. That will help put the explanation into context.

The Monkey's Hand website seems to make sense, on the surface at least. A monkey's hand. A busy helper. Able to do a wide variety of things. Versatile. Check out the text on their home page:

Monkey's Hand is a Technology Services Company. We specialize in Web Development, Design, Graphics, Layout, Local (Syracuse, NY area) PC Service and Repair, Home Networking, Affordable CD Duplication, Labeling, Computer Cleaning, Detailing, Customizing, and all kinds of other Computer Services.

Nothing too out of the ordinary there, it would seem.

Let me share a little story that will help you understand how I found the Monkey's Hand site in the first place.

I have an Austrailian Cattle Dog. A Queensland Heeler, to be more specific. She is deaf, but just about the smartest little dog you could possibly imagine.

I got Heidi from the pound a few years ago. She was 1 1/2 years old at the time, and very traumatized from her experience. I don't think her prior owners expected her to find a new home. They had apparently fattened this little dog up for her stint with the pound, probably thinking that would be her last meal, or at least something close to it.

She was so much smaller than the last dog I had (a very large Yellow Lab), yet fat at the same time. I took to calling her "tiny fat dog" instead of her real name. She doesn't seem to mind, really.

Anyway, one day I was talking to my dog - I know that sounds a bit funny, talking to a deaf dog. Keep in mind that you can hear and not listen, and I believe you can listen even if you can't hear. She knows what I'm talking about, especially if I'm peeling a banana for her at the time.

So I'm talking to my dog when I say something that completely cracks me up. Inexplicably, I had stumbled onto a phrase that would have such subtlety and meaning at the same time that it was a beautiful thing, regardless of its actual subject. I said "Tiny fat dog - you stink like a monkey's hand".

There is a truth about monkeys and their hands in that statement that is undeniable, yet not blatantly made clear either. A very funny combination of words. The unsaid piece that connects the phrase together can only be described as an elephant in the room.

If you have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about here, consider yourself lucky. But if you must know the painful connecting material in my phrase, I will have to refer you to another site. I don't really want to get into that here, but it is essential that you get the connection to understand what is wrong with the Monkey's Hand site. Here is a site that holds the explanation. It is a monkey's diary. Pay attention to how he spends his time each day.

Ok, enough of my story. That is plenty of context to wrap up the Monkey's Hand challenge. So going back to the text, what doesn't belong there? I'm not sure how you feel about it, but I'm thinking anything having to do with cleaning. At all. Not cleaning or detailing. I simply couldn't allow it.

When I first came across this site, I was looking on Google to see how unique my phrase was. Absolutely unique, seemingly. I then looked to see if I could get the domain name. Not sure exactly what I would do with it if I could have gotten it. Actually, I'm glad it wasn't available.

At that time, Monkey's Hand had another service as well: sanitizing telephones. When I read that, I simply could not believe it. "Don't worry, I went ahead and had Monkey's Hand come and sanitize our telephones.", I quipped.

Apparently, the folks at www.monkeyshand.com and I have a very different understanding of monkeys, their hands, and cleaning services of various types.

Wednesday August 18, 2004

A taco full of details

This evening I went to a popular fast food restaurant, something I do far too often to try to keep up with my own pace. Usually the food is acceptable, as is the service. But today was different somehow.

The service was fantastic! The manager took my order, and though I had the money ready, he took off immediately to start making my drink. Clearly he was concerned with getting my meal ready as quickly as reasonably possible.

I then dealt with the assistant manager. He stepped up only seconds after the manager left. A well oiled machine, these two. He took my money and made change efficiently and accurately. Nice work! I almost expected to find the rest of them changing my tires and wiping my windshield, should they be as thoughtful and efficient as the pair I had already dealt with.

Before I could even put my change away, another member of this crack team had assembled my meal and was verifying my number to be sure that their quick work didn't go inadvertently to the wrong person. Unbelievable! "I am definitely coming back here!", I thought.

And then it happened. Of course. I bit into my taco and realized that if I let it sit for several minutes, it might warm to room temperature. Man! And I was really excited about my experience so far. But on the last step to locking in a truly memorable experience, everyone fell down clumsily in a heap, flopping about like so many fish out of water.

I was pretty disappointed, but didn't really want to say anything. Not that I had nothing to say, but I couldn't choose the most appropriate way to handle the situation. Here are a couple of my thoughts at the time - you will see what I mean...

1. "You might want to have someone check the breaker that your microwave is on..."
2. "I have GOT to get your recipe! I had no idea that you could freeze tacos!"
3. "I special ordered my taco with no ice."
4. "What kind of gloves do you guys wear? Do they protect you from hot things as well?"

I simply couldn't decide on the most appropriate course of action at the time. I mean, given these four possibilities that came to me immediately, can you blame me just going ahead as if nothing was wrong? Unfortunate for the chef. I left him with no idea what had happened. I'm asking you to check your work if you are a chef in a taco eatery. Please.

Isn't this so often the case? Most of the experience is somewhere between acceptable and fantastic, but one little detail is overlooked and it really does affect your perception? It brings the whole affair down to the level of memorable for all the wrong reasons. All that work and good intentions to achieve the same lousy feeling of malaise that you ordinarily might get if they didn't even try. In the end you are sitting there unhappily wrapped around a frozen taco trying to think warm thoughts.

It's like watching a close football game (yes, as an American, that would mean the type of game where feet are almost never involved) in which a strong young athlete kicks an amazing field goal. You think he managed to win the game by just a point or two when the camera zooms in to reveal that it wasn't the ball that made the triumphant journey, but his shoe instead. The ball rests less than a yard from the player's bare foot.

Details matter. In everything.

Monday August 16, 2004

DJs of the future

On Saturday I attended a neighbor's wedding. An interesting combination of good people, open bar, and finger food all in the outdoors in the Santa Cruz Mountains.

First off, let me warn you that the "open bar" and "finger food" combination is almost never a good idea. A recipe for interesting times, but perhaps not times you want to remember on your wedding day. "Don't worry, before the 6 beers and wine, he ate a cheese cube" is even less comforting in person that it probably sounds here.

When people started dancing, I went up to the DJ and requested a song. Ok, so maybe not the best song for a wedding. "Pinch Me" by the Barenaked Ladies. It could have been worse. Really, I wasn't trying to be inappropriate.

I honestly don't know if the DJ forgot my request, was blocking it out as an inappropriate request for the occasion, or simply couldn't find it. He was thumbing through a huge book of CDs when I talked to him. All of the CDs looked exactly the same: home burned CDs with hand written labels.

As a software engineer and a decent human being that values the contributions of others, I am against copying intellectual property without permission. Honestly I don't know if he had the CDs at home and these were his backup copies. I mean, you never know when atmospheric conditions will be such that our Cell phone transponders behave in a way that turns our entire city into the likes of the inside of a microwave oven. Imagine all of those legal CDs sitting there sparking like flat little lightening storms as the lyrics are burned off, emitting the smell of an old hair dryer in the process. What a tragedy!

I was thinking at the time that CDs are the wrong tool for the job. You actually have to touch them! That is so primitive. You have to physically put them into a device that has to manipulate them to read the audio. That is so invasive. You have to find the song you want on the CD that it's on amid thousands of other songs, many of which are named the same thing.

If only there were a scheme, a device, some form of contraption that was really good at keeping things organized. Maybe something that was able to play music to entertain you as it organizes your stuff. Maybe something similar in concept to ... I don't know ... this will sound crazy ... like an iPod.

DJs should be using iPods. There. I said it. It is so obvious, but it still had to be said.

I know there will be tons of pushback on this idea. "But if I don't have to drag tons of stuff around with me to my gigs, anyone will be able to play music for themselves", DJs might say.

Ding! Ding! Exactly. But understand that a DJ's value add is two fold:

1. DJs own a ton of songs. Either that or they represent access to tons of songs without the legal liability of their clients having to personally steal them. If this is the case, try to think of a DJ as legal insulation for the people that actually know better.
2. Who else could possibly supply the witty banter and background radiation conversation and segues that keep a party moving if not the DJ?

Of course, I realize that the entire DJ industry may have already made this change. Maybe I interacted with the only DJ in my area who hasn't seen the light of his iPod illuminating a completely organized set of songs that is easy to navigate and starts playing instantaneously.

Maybe he is also holding out on other things. Like obtaining an ATM card. He could be the guy that always seems to be in the grocery store line just before me, writing out a check with his hands as I wait there pondering perhaps the purchase of a news rag that has completely nonsensical headlines. Apparently he marvels at this wonderous piece of paper that could be worth any amount by simply writing the desired value on the dried wood paste that is the product of our thinning forests. Or worth completely nothing. Of course he would be impressed by a thin disk smaller than his own head that can remember upwards of 70 minutes of audio flawlessly.

Sunday August 15, 2004

A new dimension to Nothing

A few days ago I was in the office when a friend came up to me chuckling.

"Does the 5 second rule apply?!", he said, referring to my piece on Stephen Hawking's tea cup.

My friend's comment told me 2 things: 1. He read my entry from the evening before, and 2. He especially enjoyed that particular part.

This made me think a bit about blogs in general, and what role they play in giving others information or enjoyment. Actually, I found that I don't completely understand the blogging phenomenon, but here are some thoughts I have sorted out so far.

There are many sources of information on the Internet, including web sites, mail aliases and newsgroups, popup ads, and web logs. Each of these has a counterpart in the print world: books, magazines, newsletters, junk mail, and diaries.

Now, that's the part I want to focus on. The print equivalent of a web log is a diary.

Both a web log and a diary are a written record of things that individuals find important. Usually things going on in their personal lives that they wish to record exactly as they were experienced. Perhaps they will go back later and find trends in the way they deal with things. Perhaps they will never go back, but keep the written record for family members to look through and remember them by when they pass on. Maybe they will use their diary as the basis of their autobiography later in life.

The interesting difference is the amount of privacy associated with each. It is usually forbidden to look into someone's diary without their permission. They would probably never grant such permission. And what a breach of one's privacy should their diary be compromised, even accidentally!

The web log, on the other hand, makes it possible to write about anything and have your thoughts recorded and backed up. As a side effect of the business model, I suppose, the contents of a web log are there for all to see. I think people understand this to a degree and often refrain from entering their most private thoughts and events. But private thoughts and events often do get recorded in web logs.

Perhaps the compulsion of looking through someone else's diary is to get to know them better. See what they are going through. Find the face that they are hiding from their public world.

What I don't entirely understand is what is interesting about reading other people's web logs? If you want information about a specific topic, there are many topic-based information sources on the web. Web logs tend to have topics as well, though the topics jump around quite a bit because people like variety.

I suppose the answer is the same as that for diaries. People like to understand what makes other people tick. Kind of like building a geographically disparate community of folks that know each other well. Very well, indeed. Knowing the things others are working on, spending time on, thinking about, struggling with. Their interests and annoyances.

I like to think that people spend time doing things that actually mean something to them. Honestly, I haven't spent much time reading the web logs of others. I have read a few random ones. I have read a few from some of our more famous characters at Sun. I have read a few of our most popular ones. Still, I'm struggling to find out what devoted readers of blogs get from their investment. I'm hoping that you can help me in that area.

Back to my friend's comment and how you can help. Notice if you will, that I have added a new link on the right side of my page with the label "Remember This". This link takes you to a new page that shows the parts of my blog that others find most interesting. Whatever "interesting" means to them (helpful, thoughtful, clever, funny, painful, nonsensical, etc.). Things that drew my readers in and perhaps made them want to come back for more.

Currently it has only the one entry representing my friend's interest in a particular phrase in my Stephen Hawking entry. If you have a favorite passage from one of my entries, please send a comment. Include the passage that you enjoyed and the entry it came from and I will add it to the list or increment the value. I will keep this list sorted so the most generally interesting entries appear at the top. I really would value your feedback here. Don't hold back. You can vote as many times as you wish for as many passages, statements, etc. that you wish. No limit. I simply ask that you limit your comments to the parts that you actually enjoyed.

Others that visit my site will hopefully take a look at that sorted list and find a dimension of "Nothing" that cuts right to the core of why people visit my site in the first place. They will find it helpful, I expect. Maybe we can help each other understand blogging better. And through that, we can create entries that are more interesting, engaging, and entertaining for all.

Friday August 13, 2004

Nothing can get pretty heavy

I was just reviewing my week. That last entry was getting a bit heavy. I think it's time to wrap up my work week with an entry from the lighter side. I'm changing a few things, and I have a challenge for you. As ever, I think you will find something here you will enjoy.

I realize that my last entry zoomed through history hitting a few small events along the way and tryed to draw meaning for the next transition we are currently going through. Did you notice the difference between that and the other entries? Another uncomfortable transition to be sure.

If you are struggling to wrap words around the specific difference, I think I can help there. All of the other entries were looking at one fairly small concept and digging deep for more meaning or insight. That last one did exactly the opposite: it teased apart a trend from a long history that folks rarely even consider these days.

Ok, now for the real order of business. What is with that name "Paul's World"? I think that pretty much describes my contents so far, but I value uniqueness. When I do a Google search on "Paul's World", I get 2800 hits. That sounds like a confusing network of like-named worlds to navigate. I'm definitely not erring on the side of unique with that name. I need another. Here are a couple of ideas:

• "Paul's Planet" - 147
• "Paul's Place" - 7120
• "Nothing Land" - 593
• "Nothing World" - 984
• "Nothing is Everything" - 4090

Really, I had no idea that people were so hugely interested in nothing. I mean, to have so much invested in nothing seems unhealthy somehow. How could nothing be so intriguing? Let me keep trying. I think this is important...

• "Paul's World of Nothing" - Nothing. Nada. Ok, I found a unique one.
• "Paul's Cranium" - Once again, nothing.
• "Underneath Paul's Hat" - 0, but I don't really like this one.
• "Under Paul's Hat" - 1 - Maybe that's acceptable, but it seems like I would be compromising...

Ok, so take a step back from this for a second. What did I just do? I was using Google, not to find something, but to find the absence of it. I'm sure others do this too, but isn't it a bit odd when you think about it?

In some parts of the country, I have heard phrases like "Let's see if I can't do that". Seeing if one can't rather than can, with the end result being the same. Specifically, that the outcome is that you will know whether or not you can do the thing, irregardless of how you phrase it. Seeing if the glass being half empty makes the problem of dealing with a half full glass easier to handle somehow. Such an odd place.

But in my case, I used the world's best search engine to search for the absence of others that think like me. One can never be sure, of course. It could be a false negative that I am assuming means that similar results didn't exist. Just a funny thing. I'm going to toy with that a bit on my next drive... No! I'm going to see if I can't toy with that on my next drive. Yes, that's much better.

I would like to also solicit my dear readers for ideas for the title of my blog. Such an odd sounding word, blog. It makes me wonder if the Borg (from Star Trek) have a tendency to blog in their spare time. A denial of service attack might ensue: "The Borg have blogged up the works!". Frightening thought, that.

Anyway, if you have a preference for one of the titles I have considered above or have a clever one of your own to submit, I would seriously consider it. Please send your comments.

The Challenge

As I was searching through the Internet one day (do you ever read the Internet like a dictionary or an encyclopedia?), I came across this site: http://www.monkeyshand.com. It seems a fairly normal site, I suppose, but there is a huge problem with this one. You have to think about it. Hard. Try to channel me if you can. What is wrong with this site?

Send me your thoughts. Perhaps next week I will talk about the issue. That will make for an interesting read to be sure.

Well that's it. I can't believe I wrote this entry, really. Most of it being about my own site and all. Not my favorite topic, I guess. I don't like to blog about my blog.

Thursday August 12, 2004

Rock, paper, printers

Following on from Monday's entry, I would like to explore the evolution of technology.

Technological progress stems from the sharing of ideas. I don't pretend to be anywhere near as smart as Jonathan Schwartz, or even have the great hair. But he made be think with his last posting on the definition of open. I'd like to explore a few thoughts in the area of openness of ideas.

This idea jumped into my head today as I was printing a document. Bear with me for a minute, and you will see the connection. I think it will be worth it for you.

Humanity is the condition or quality of being human. At least that is my favorite definition for the word (it can be taken to mean a group of people). The human condition is not a thing that can be explained completely. It is open ended. It is tragic, funny, fantastic, full of miscalculations, and very, very lucky all at the same time. The only true way to explain it is through anecdotes. Small stories to explain one or more facets of the human condition. All the stories are different, and there is an ever growing number of them. All of them together is as close as we can come to a proper description.

Humanity can't be explained without history. It simply cannot be conveyed in a few celebrated words. Humanity is evolving and due to one aspect of the human condition, that history cannot be remembered by individual people. They don't last very long. I mean, people have amazing uptime and all, but when compared to the entire history of the human animal, you simply cannot consider any person "Highly Available". There is no person that knows everything because it would take many lifetimes to learn everything, and a knot of cranial wrinkles far larger than the human body could possibly carry at the top of its frame to store everything.

In terms of objective storage of historic events and messages, we are restricted pretty much to the written word. Never mind that language itself evolves over time to lose or amplify the nuance in the original words. The words themselves were stored on stone tablets and later, paper. What a marvelous scheme! Write it down. Keep it. It won't change at all.

Consider writing on stone. I need to write something down so I go to the quarry and purchase a piece of granite, sandstone, limestone, etc. The price varies, so I choose the medium that matches the need. If my project is to create a shopping list, I would go with the less expensive sandstone model. Really it doesn't matter that much. Stone is big and heavy. And if I write while I'm angry, I could accidently break it. Also, I can't write that much, because I don't have the energy to haul more than a couple of pages around with me at a time. Do you think they are going to write a receipt for my tablets at the quarry? Think about it - of course not! If they did that, we would have records of such transactions.

The point of looking at this age in particular is that it didn't make sense to educate everyone. What do the children learn to write with? The medium simply doesn't scale. The society needed a few folk that were able to write in stone, and the rest were responsible for providing food, mining for good sheets of rock, and of course, providing beauty services.

The transition from stone to paper made it possible to write more events down. For the size and weight of one stone tablet (single spaced, double sided), you could store hundreds of pages using paper. Of course social policies rarely keep up with changes in technology, so not everyone got an education. But paper made it possible for a far greater number of people to keep their thoughts objective and share them with others. Those lucky folk could participate in the recording of events defining the human condition of the time.

Enter today. Some people keep notebooks of their thoughts and activities. That isn't a very flexible scheme. How do you search on things? Your memory? Maybe. If you do that, perhaps you should write a short index to help you find things quickly. Hey, since you are coming from before recorded history with that memory indexing scheme, why not ease into it slowly? Start by writing your index on a small granite tablet that you keep with your notebook.

I like to think that most people today use electronic documents for things that are important enough to keep for the purposes of looking at later. This transition is similar to the stone to paper transition. Consider the weight of your computer. Include the monitor, if you like. In terms of weight, how much paper might that represent? Now consider that you have a 70GB hard drive in the machine. How many pages of text could you store on your machine? A quick estimate says that my machine and monitor weigh about the same as 11500 sheets of paper. The ratio is far better for my laptop computer though.

For my estimate, I'll use 60 lines per side, 120 lines of 80 column text per page. That is approximately 110 million characters of storage on paper. You do print double sided, don't you? If not, I have a little secret that can give you a 50% cost and weight savings.

As for my machine, let us assume that I only have 60GB of hard drive free because I have an operating system and other stuff taking up space. That leaves approximately 64.5 billion characters of storage. Approximately the equivalent of 6.7 million pieces of paper.

Ok, that's really cool. I know that, having just seen that stunningly large number, there is at least one of you trying to do a back of the napkin estimate of how long it would take to print that amount of information out. Let's see, a printer might do 20 pages per minute, that would be about...

STOP IT RIGHT THERE!! You are going backwards in time. You might as well be calculating how long it would take your headstone engraver to write it all out on granite. Or how long it would it take a group of Christmas carolers to memorize the whole thing in the form of a song.

That's the point! I shouldn't have been printing anything out today. Human technology has brought us a tremendous amount of compression and convenience between stone media and modern storage. When you have to print something out, you are traveling back in time. When you buy a new printer, I hope you are able to trade in your goggles and chisel for a good deal on it.

Paper is not a very good force multiplier either. It only has influence over those that see it. That is great for information privacy. Not so great for participating in the human condition in a lasting way.

I have been working on my skills at viewing and understanding documents on line for many years now. I am actually quite good at it. But sometimes I get lazy and pick up my chisel and goggles in an attempt to save time.

Now I have to chuckle a bit. I can sometimes see the future, and today it seems crystal clear. Someone has probably printed out this entry to make it easier for them to follow. Imagine the irony of reading these words on the last page of that endeavor!

Tuesday August 10, 2004

Having tea with Stephen Hawking...

I got a comment on my last entry that I thought was interesting thought fodder:

Perhaps it is time to consult a professional. Stephen Hawking comes to mind. You know, that whole 'tea cup falling up' thing. This problem you are having with time may only be a symptom of something far more serious. Be careful. Watch behind you. Entropy may not be heading you face on any more. Ellis

I bent and twisted this around in my head on my way home. Ok, there was other stuff in there as well; you may see some of it sticking to this clever point as I go. I'm not entirely certain that I understand Ellis' point, but I will bravely give it a go.

This has to be the first time that someone has suggested that I consult a professional, referring to the esteemed Stephen Hawking. I read his book A Brief History of Time when it first came out. What a fantastic network of neurons that man has developed. Stephen probably wouldn't waste a cranial wrinkle talking to the likes of me about my issues. Though I'm sure he is a very gracious person, indeed.

The tea cup thought exercise is in the book. Bear with me - I haven't read the book in a while, and I can't find my copy now. Essentially he is saying that, while extremely unlikely, it is still possible that a tea cup that has fallen and broken onto the floor could come back together and jump back onto the table. Honestly, I don't remember if his broke or not, and I think that makes a big difference. An interesting thought. One I might have noodled with perhaps even without his Stephen Hawking's mental guidance. If I remember the argument, it started with air molecules in a container and the fact that they are always moving about. Similarly to the tea cup, it is extremely unlikely, but possible to find all of the molecules in the same side of the container.

Here is my array of simple thoughts and questions on the matter. Hint: Set your expectations low here. I was just talking about Stephen Hawking's work, and this is going to be a fairly abrupt transition into my head.

1. I can't even get super glue to work. "How did you glue your hands together?", I have heard numerous times before... "How's my tea cup?", I almost always reply.
   I don't think I could seriously apply this to a tea cup, though the air molecule thing is really interesting. Don't the molecules in tea cups move substantially slower than air molecules? It's hard for me to tell because I can't hardly see them.
2. If the tea ended up back in the unbroken tea cup, sitting on the top of the table it was knocked off of, does the 5 second rule apply? Do you drink the tea?
3. I'm guessing you should drink the tea. At least you know where it has been. Consider yourself walking into a room to find a cup of tea waiting for you on a table. You know it was prepared for you, but it was unsupervised for a short time. Do you really know that it hasn't gone through such an event?
4. When you are done with the tea, do you wash the cup in the dishwasher? Or by hand? The dishwasher might break it, you know...
   Personally, I would take great care of it. I wouldn't use it again until I had an entire set of such marvelous tea cups. They wouldn't have to match, except in their experience of having been completely shattered and then jumped back onto the table with all of the pieces landing such that the cup was fully intact.
   At that point, I would invite people over and have an extraordinary tea party. "Careful with that, it has been through a lot and is very special to me" would be my constant refrain that evening...

If I have caught Ellis' point with no distortion, I think the message is that (based on my last entry) I might now be experiencing time in such a way that these occurrences may be more likely. I feel more prepared now, having put some thought into it. I will be watching tea cups more closely for a while. A few of you may find yourselves having an interesting tea party with me and Stephen Hawking some day soon...

Monday August 09, 2004

Time is going backwards

In a shameless display of my versatility, I have decided to talk about an annoyance of mine in a completely separate space. Last time, it was road-related angst. Now, my angst fits in the palm of my hand...

Before I get into that though, I need to do a bit of set up work so you will understand why this is so important to me.

It's all about time. You can tell which direction time is moving according to changes in entropy. Have you ever seen a video clip of a person jumping into a pool shown in reverse? The reason that gets a cheap laugh out of viewers is because natural entropy runs in the opposite direction. Thousands of drops of water fly from all directions into a small area of a sizable pool - the same area from which a person's body uncurls and hurls itself from the pool, and expertly lands on the diving board. That's odd. That's not the way we normally see things. You can tell that there is something wrong with time.

Similarly, but in exactly the reverse of the above, technology should show a decrease in entropy over time. Things should get easier. Each of us should exert more leverage on our environment, our lives, our reach into the world. Things get easier over time, less expensive, allowing more time for other pursuits.

Imagine if Paul Revere had today's technology. Wouldn't it be easier to simply send an email? Only if you have the infrastructure to support it. That's human progress. Technology getting more and more refined.

Given that set up, I consider my own cell phone. The Handspring Treo 600. What a fancy product of human progress this marvel promises to be.

I was excited to get a new cell phone about 6 months ago. I had the Nokia 3300. I liked that phone, but was forced to return it by the service provider. I took that opportunity to try out the Blackberry phones. Very nice! But have you ever read the license agreement? What a morass of a tangle of confusion that piece of work is! In essence, with my very limited brain power applied to the problem, I got from that document the following nuggets:

1. We reserve the right to read your mail
2. We reserve the right not to send you your mail if we don't like the contents
3. Even if we send you your email, you may not receive it
4. You do not have the right to receive your mail
5. You still have to pay us for the mail even if we choose not to send it to you

Recently, I have been having various connectivity and stability issues with my phone. I have had to reboot my phone on many occasions now. I don't like that. The film is running in reverse. I remember a time in which your involvement with a telephone was simply to pick up the handset and use in the most obvious way conceivable. I mean, provided you understand the point of the thing. Don't try to look through the tiny holes or anything. But once you see it used effectively by others a couple of times, you're in the zone. Working it like a pro.

So I talked to a few fellow Treo owners to see if they had similar issues with their phones. A couple of them had. "You have to install a patch", one said. A patch. Is that one of those paper labels with emergency numbers on it? I certainly don't have that on my phone, and I could see the danger of me walking about unwittingly with my phone, not knowing those emergency numbers.

Of course that isn't exactly what my friend was talking about and I did know that at the time, but I was resisting the realization of what that piece of information might mean for me. I have to install a patch. I have to administer my phone. I have to become root somehow and maybe update the BIOS. Perhaps install a new license key. Do I need to restart flexlm?

This is completely out of hand. On the way home today, I was considering whether it would be possible with PalmOS to do some simple scripting and stuff some automatic administration activities into a cron job. I want this thing to be automatic. I don't want to have to get some type of Palm Cellphone System Administrator Certification plaque on my wall to prove that I have graduated into the realm of being able to talk on my phone reliably. I want to pick it up and use it like one of the phones from many, many years ago and have the same quality of experience. I just want to walk around aimlessly as if I am too busy to be tethered to the wall as I talk to people. I want today's phone with yesterday's administration burden.

Maybe there is an administration service I should sign up for. Perhaps a cell phone hosting service - where they keep my cell phone and I can use it remotely from any land line I choose. Maybe I need to hire a college student with nothing better to do than administer a cell phone with internet connectivity through the very small keyboard. Or maybe I need to realize that this time technology is not about saving me time or increasing my influence while decreasing the energy I have to exert to gain that influence. This time, technology is about stuffing complex systems that have not yet withstood the test of time into the palm of my hand so I can administer it from any chair in my house.

I'm jumping out of the pool onto the diving board, but nobody seems to notice that something is wrong.

Sunday August 08, 2004

The blight on automotive longevity

I have a long commute to work, and I like to be alone so I can think. These go well together, and I often find myself deep in thought as I drive around. It's fun. And when I get bored with myself, I will resort to listening to my iPod.

Anyway, I was driving about the other day and just thinking to myself. Easier than thinking to others that aren't actually there, I suppose. You know, come to think of it, I don't really understand the concept of "thinking to one's self". How else can you think, really? Just like people to put a bunch of drivel around a word that actually means something. So Ivory Tower, if you catch my meaning.

Hey! Did I just think to you with that tangent? Perhaps. Maybe the "thinking to one's self" thing actually makes the "thinking" part more specific. That is very useful. I'm going to use that more often now that I see the confusion that might ensue should I leave off the "to myself" part.

Whatever. Back to me driving and thinking to myself (of course), I started thinking about bumper stickers. Have you ever thought about bumper stickers? What a horribly cruel thing. How sad and tragic can we possibly make that situation? Those are the worst things you can do to a car!

Ok, so follow me on this one: You are driving along and you notice the car in front of you has a bumper sticker. It's a small little guy, and it looks kind of interesting, but you can't read it. So you get closer...

You don't realize it, but the guy in front of you has done the same thing. When you finally get close enough, you can read the words: "I brake for cheeselogs", you chuckle, because maybe you have seen the result of not stopping for a cheeselog on one occasion and it wasn't pretty. Maybe it wouldn't have been pretty even if you had stopped, but that's a whole separate thing.

Simultaneous to your discovery of your leader's braking habits, the guy in front of you is finally close enough to read the bumper sticker in front of him: "I brake for everything - in fact I'm stopped right now".

SMASH!! SMASH!! 3 car accident. Nobody injured or anything, and the guy in front of you jumps out to make sure that no cheeselogs were involved and in need of his attention.

So the tragedy of this debacle is that cars don't like bumper stickers at all. They know how distracting to other drivers the stupid things can be, yet they are forced to sport them around like an Italian swimsuit model by their owners. The cars themselves are forced to support the very thing that is going to cause them to end up in a junk pile.

And it gets worse when you consider what the bumper stickers say:

1) "Don't blame me, I voted for Ross Perot" - This means that you threw your vote away and probably led to the election of some other loser that raised taxes to the point that you couldn't maintain your car, and now it looks horrible with a 12 year old bumper sticker on it proclaiming your own innocence and virtue. Had you not voted for Ross Perot, maybe you would have enough money right now to remove that ridiculous bumper sticker, restore your very old car to new condition, and put it into a car museum where it will be enjoyed by all. You stupid, stupid man.

2) "I love Collies" - This one is a step further removed than the previous one, and a little less damaging to cars, depending on the size, shape, and color of the bumper sticker (i.e. how distracting it is to other motorists). The tragedy here is that motorists and their cars are the number one cause of premature death and mutilation of domestic pets. Such a horrible way to express your love for any breed but to put it on the facilitator of their ultimate demise. Ever see a 3 legged dog? Ever see a car pass that 3 legged dog with a bumper sticker "I love Collies" and it has a leg hanging under the bumper? A real tragedy, this one. I have to get a handkerchief every time I see one of these bumper stickers. People can be so heartless.

3) "Keep Tahoe Blue" - This is a damn shame, this one. This is one that you are most likely to see strapped to a VW van from the 1960s. If you can see the van. If you can get close enough to it without requiring some fashion of breathing apparatus to ensure your safety. This guy with his environmental bent shoving his ideals down your throat along with 10 lbs of carbon monoxide. This guy, who once got committed to an institution because the police thought he was trying to commit suicide in his van, running with the windows rolled up inside a parking garage. This little message makes your car a target in parking lots. Scratches, dents, people taking out their angst and hatred on your car's antenna and side mirrors.

Anyway, just a thought I had. Haven't really done anything with it so far. Haven't had much time yet. I'll figure out how to fix this though. It's just education that's missing, I think. I mean, people being so completely unwitting and all - not being able to figure this out for themselves and whatever. I'm sure there is some remedy that could be exacted.

Introductions and I'm glad you could make it.

I've never done this before, so when a good friend of mine suggested that I start a blog I thought it was a very funny idea.

Not entirely sure that I even exist, the whole idea of putting the thoughts buried deep in my head out there for others to see seems a bit absurd. A good exercise, however. Maybe one of you could convince me that I am really here.

I would like to begin my blog by talking a bit about the oddity of a blog with two categories: "All" and "Nothing". I didn't think about the strange juxtaposition of these two words when I chose my "Nothing" category. It just seemed to be the best word to describe most of the thoughts I will share here. Kind of a funny thing. A bit of brain feather. That these two words would be separated by the word "and", connecting them to the contents of my blog. Does "All" really include "Nothing"? I bet it does.

On the way of introductions, I will say that my name really is Paul Lovvik, and I work at Sun Microsystems in the Market Development Engineering organization. I work on code, I investigate new features going into Solaris 10, I talk to Sun's partners, I work late at night and on weekends, and I love it here. Still not completely sure I exist though. All in good time, I suppose... (2004-08-08 20:50:52.0) Permalink Comments [3]