Sunday August 08, 2004

The blight on automotive longevity

I have a long commute to work, and I like to be alone so I can think. These go well together, and I often find myself deep in thought as I drive around. It's fun. And when I get bored with myself, I will resort to listening to my iPod.

Anyway, I was driving about the other day and just thinking to myself. Easier than thinking to others that aren't actually there, I suppose. You know, come to think of it, I don't really understand the concept of "thinking to one's self". How else can you think, really? Just like people to put a bunch of drivel around a word that actually means something. So Ivory Tower, if you catch my meaning.

Hey! Did I just think to you with that tangent? Perhaps. Maybe the "thinking to one's self" thing actually makes the "thinking" part more specific. That is very useful. I'm going to use that more often now that I see the confusion that might ensue should I leave off the "to myself" part.

Whatever. Back to me driving and thinking to myself (of course), I started thinking about bumper stickers. Have you ever thought about bumper stickers? What a horribly cruel thing. How sad and tragic can we possibly make that situation? Those are the worst things you can do to a car!

Ok, so follow me on this one: You are driving along and you notice the car in front of you has a bumper sticker. It's a small little guy, and it looks kind of interesting, but you can't read it. So you get closer...

You don't realize it, but the guy in front of you has done the same thing. When you finally get close enough, you can read the words: "I brake for cheeselogs", you chuckle, because maybe you have seen the result of not stopping for a cheeselog on one occasion and it wasn't pretty. Maybe it wouldn't have been pretty even if you had stopped, but that's a whole separate thing.

Simultaneous to your discovery of your leader's braking habits, the guy in front of you is finally close enough to read the bumper sticker in front of him: "I brake for everything - in fact I'm stopped right now".

SMASH!! SMASH!! 3 car accident. Nobody injured or anything, and the guy in front of you jumps out to make sure that no cheeselogs were involved and in need of his attention.

So the tragedy of this debacle is that cars don't like bumper stickers at all. They know how distracting to other drivers the stupid things can be, yet they are forced to sport them around like an Italian swimsuit model by their owners. The cars themselves are forced to support the very thing that is going to cause them to end up in a junk pile.

And it gets worse when you consider what the bumper stickers say:

1) "Don't blame me, I voted for Ross Perot" - This means that you threw your vote away and probably led to the election of some other loser that raised taxes to the point that you couldn't maintain your car, and now it looks horrible with a 12 year old bumper sticker on it proclaiming your own innocence and virtue. Had you not voted for Ross Perot, maybe you would have enough money right now to remove that ridiculous bumper sticker, restore your very old car to new condition, and put it into a car museum where it will be enjoyed by all. You stupid, stupid man.

2) "I love Collies" - This one is a step further removed than the previous one, and a little less damaging to cars, depending on the size, shape, and color of the bumper sticker (i.e. how distracting it is to other motorists). The tragedy here is that motorists and their cars are the number one cause of premature death and mutilation of domestic pets. Such a horrible way to express your love for any breed but to put it on the facilitator of their ultimate demise. Ever see a 3 legged dog? Ever see a car pass that 3 legged dog with a bumper sticker "I love Collies" and it has a leg hanging under the bumper? A real tragedy, this one. I have to get a handkerchief every time I see one of these bumper stickers. People can be so heartless.

3) "Keep Tahoe Blue" - This is a damn shame, this one. This is one that you are most likely to see strapped to a VW van from the 1960s. If you can see the van. If you can get close enough to it without requiring some fashion of breathing apparatus to ensure your safety. This guy with his environmental bent shoving his ideals down your throat along with 10 lbs of carbon monoxide. This guy, who once got committed to an institution because the police thought he was trying to commit suicide in his van, running with the windows rolled up inside a parking garage. This little message makes your car a target in parking lots. Scratches, dents, people taking out their angst and hatred on your car's antenna and side mirrors.

Anyway, just a thought I had. Haven't really done anything with it so far. Haven't had much time yet. I'll figure out how to fix this though. It's just education that's missing, I think. I mean, people being so completely unwitting and all - not being able to figure this out for themselves and whatever. I'm sure there is some remedy that could be exacted.

Introductions and I'm glad you could make it.

I've never done this before, so when a good friend of mine suggested that I start a blog I thought it was a very funny idea.

Not entirely sure that I even exist, the whole idea of putting the thoughts buried deep in my head out there for others to see seems a bit absurd. A good exercise, however. Maybe one of you could convince me that I am really here.

I would like to begin my blog by talking a bit about the oddity of a blog with two categories: "All" and "Nothing". I didn't think about the strange juxtaposition of these two words when I chose my "Nothing" category. It just seemed to be the best word to describe most of the thoughts I will share here. Kind of a funny thing. A bit of brain feather. That these two words would be separated by the word "and", connecting them to the contents of my blog. Does "All" really include "Nothing"? I bet it does.

On the way of introductions, I will say that my name really is Paul Lovvik, and I work at Sun Microsystems in the Market Development Engineering organization. I work on code, I investigate new features going into Solaris 10, I talk to Sun's partners, I work late at night and on weekends, and I love it here. Still not completely sure I exist though. All in good time, I suppose... (2004-08-08 20:50:52.0) Permalink Comments [3]