Man Page Writing: Life/Times of Man Page Writer

A co-worker buddy is involved in his condo homeowner's association and periodically has to deal with complaints about teenagers who live in the complex. When he approaches the parents about a problem, he often finds that their first reaction, even before he finishes a sentence, is: "My kid didn't do it," or, if the evidence is incontrovertible, "My kid should not be punished, for these reasons..."

My friend asked me, "When your kids got in trouble [my three sons are now 27, 25, and 21], did you automatically take their side?". I would say, as I said to him, not just "No", but "Hell, no", and not because my boys were particularly saintly (they weren't). I had and have no problem being objective about my children. And I'm not bragging. This is about as praiseworthy as my penchant for not screaming curses at old ladies.

My wife, who teaches high school, observes the same unquestioning advocacy of children on the part of their parents. This advocacy has bequeathed to these kids a distinct sense of entitlement. Teachers at that school talk about the "B+ syndrome". Give a student a B and you'll get away with it. Give a B+ and prepare to do battle. This, at a school where one student in four is from a family in which one parent is an attorney. (Here, "lawyering up" may mean no more than speed-dialing Mommy and/or Daddy.)

Each year, my wife publishes guidelines for getting specific grades. Only the getting-an-A part is of real interest. For the college-bound, that's the only grade that matters. For the rest, their parents are probably not involved in their lives to the same degree (or in the same way) as their fast-track brothers and sisters. On several occasions, my wife and I have had to refine these guidelines, based on "cases" my wife has had to present, before parents and administrators, to make a grade stick. Sometimes it's changing an "a" to a "the". Sometimes it's adding a dependent clause, to make things even more precise or to lend emphasis. But language is inherently ambiguous and you give a smart person enough time (they certainly have the motivation), she or he will find a loose thread.

There is such a thing as unreasonable authority (isn't that what the 60's were about?). And there are condo association managers and schoolteachers of bad faith and intentions. But, I'd submit that such people are 1) a distinct minority and 2) identified very easily. It's a parent's duty to help her/his child avoid such people or, if avoidance is impossible, help the child deal with them. But when dealing with a reasonable authority, a parent does a child no favors by not allowing him/her to face the consequences of their behavior.