Michael Jordan's Weblog

The pressure has gotten to me. I can't sleep at night knowing that the next day could be when I get caught and exposed. So I want to get ahead of this story, starting with an apology to all the children who I'm certain (although I have no direct knowledge of this) look up to me. I'm also sorry for the pain this causes to my parents, my team mates, to the industry, and to the fans. But it's best that you hear it directly from me.

I know that my colleagues have often whispered at me behind my back, "How does he do it?" "Look how fast he types." "Look how he sends us emails late at night." "Look at the way his overdeveloped speaking muscles barge in on all the conversations." Yes, I'm a user. I can't go a single morning without my coffee.

I'm no Barry Bonds or Jason Giambi but I'm here to tell you that if I could spread my coffee on as a cream I would.

I'm no Tyler Hamilton but if I could get blood transfusions from Juan Valdez I would be unstoppable.

So don't try to get between me and my barrista; she's got exactly what I'm looking for. And I'm loving everything she deals me (well, except for the hairy back).