NonStick World: Pam Kong's Weblog

SO: Mui, put on some socks.

MUI: I am Alice in Wonderland. Call me Alice.

SO: Ok, Alice. Put on some socks.

MUI: Alice doesn't wear socks.

SO: You better put on some socks or both Mui and Alice will get a timeout.

Mui puts on some socks and then comes into my office with the wig still on.

MUI: Mom, Alice doesn't listen very well.

Mui: Daddy, what word starts with "O"?

SO: Orange

Mui: Open

SO: Opposite

Mui: On

Mui: What word starts with "P"?

SO: Pig

Mui: Pink

SO: Pear

Mui: Panda

Mui: What word starts with "Q"?

SO: Queen

Mui: Quilt

SO: Quit

Mui: Are you telling me to quit it?

I never realized what a huge impact Chinese holidays and celebrations had on marking the passage of time until I move to Utah, away from my family. The weeks and months pass, the seasons change and the only thing that marks the passage of years are my husband's, my kid's and my birthdays.

When we lived in California, we would regularly have dinner or dim sum with my parents. But during Chinese Holidays, it was mandatory that the whole family got together; all 17 of us (my parents, me, my 5 siblings, 5 significant others, and 4+ children). Chinese New Year lands in February, bringing candied fruits and cakes. June brings the Dragon Boat Festival and rice dumplings wrapped in leaves. September brings the Mid-Autumn Festival and Moon Cakes. December brings the Winter Solstice Festival and rice balls in soup.

In Utah, 800 miles away from my Chinese self, we anticipate the next Chinese New Year when we make it a point to be in California to celebrate with family and good food.

This past election season I noticed something about my parents. They take being citizens seriously.

On our last visit to them in CA for my brother's wedding, I noticed that they had one of those ballot measure information booklets. Inside, each ballot was marked. They had done their homework and were ready and eager for election day. It was then I realized that they had done this every election since they became naturalized in 1980. They not only voted, they made it a point to understand what they voted for and why.

Thinking on this, I realized they also took jury duty seriously. They never tried to opt out even though they had 6 kids at home and ran their on business. They figured out a way to ensure that they did their duty.

I wish I could say that I never allow inconvenience to hamper my doing my duty as a citizen. Seems at 34, I still have a lot to learn from my parents.

My husband and I have been introducing our 4 year old to Star Wars.

We were apprehensive as she may have been too young for 1) the story line and 2) the violence.

It turns out she is ok with both. She is pretty good at leaving movie and TV events in the make believe realm.

In Empire, when we got to the part where Han was frozen, she got really quiet. She asked what happened to him. We told her that Vader froze him, but that he was still alive. He just couldn't move. She tells us she's really sad.

Then, when Vader reveals to Luke that he was Luke's father, she repeated what Vader said and told us that can't be right, that Vader is the bad guy and couldn't be Luke's father.

We'll be watching Return of the Jedi this weekend. We'll see how she reacts to the twists.

ME: Mui! Be careful. You tripped me and I almost fell on you and killed you.

MUI: Mom, but if you kill me, you can't eat me.

ME: What?

MUI: We're not dinosaurs.

ME: And if we are?

MUI: Then you would eat me and it would be ok.

ME: Where does Gung Gung, Po Po work?

MUI: Cache Creek.

ME: What is Cache Creek?

MUI: It's a workshop...for old people.

My kid and I were at the Miller Motorsports Park to support my brother in his quest for a professional drifting license (who knew THOSE existed).

After a long and hot day, as we head toward the car, my kid needs to go to the bathroom. We search for one but I only see the men's room. I am exasperated."Where's the freaking bathroom?"

We finally find the women's room and when we're done, my kid asks me where we were going now. "We're going to find the car and head home."

Without missing a beat, she asks "Where's the freaking car?"

My husband, 3 year-old, and I visited Disneyland in May. It's the second time she's been there. The first time, she was 2. She was definitely more able to appreciate it this time.

Below are some tips on how to get the best experience for you and your pre-schooler.

1) Get a stroller first thing - Disneyland has these jogging type strollers with awesome maneuverability and it fit our big 3 year-old. We would have stolen it if they didn't have guards everywhere. You can also prepay for multiple days, which we did. On the morning of the second day, we just showed them our receipt and breezed away with a stroller while others waited in line.

2) Use Fast Passes - Many of the popular attractions have Fast Passes. Machines at the specific attraction will scan your admission ticket and give you tickets that show when you can return to skip through the line. There are limits to how frequently you can get the tickets. Many times, the timeframe they give you is way longer than waiting in line. Where we could have used it was on Splash Mountain. We waited 60mins - a lifetime for a 3 year-old.

3) Meals with Disney Characters - We did both the Minnie and Friends Breakfast and Princess Dinner. We called a month ahead to reserve a space. If they don't have room, you are S.O.L., whether you paid or not. Our kid loved both. She is really into Princesses right now. My husband and I enjoyed the Minnie breakfast more. If you have to choose, pick the Minnie breakfast and bring your kid to the Princess Fantasy Faire to meet the Princesses.

4) Tickets - We got park hopper tickets as we were there two days and the price was the same as Disneyland only tickets. The Princess Dinner is in California Adventures, so we needed it anyway. But if you are only visiting Disneyland and only for one day, the Disneyland only ticket is way cheaper than the park hopper.

5) Accomodations - We stayed at the Sheraton Anaheim, on the other side of I-5 from Disneyland. They charge $10/night for parking and have a free shuttle. When we return with my family and nephews and nieces, we will likely stay on Disneyland Hotel, but for just the 3 of us, it was not cost effective.

MUI: What's wrong Mommy?

ME: Mommy's old.

MUI: I'm old, too.

ME: No. You are young. Mommy is old.

MUI: Maybe you need more cream.

During our last visit to the Bay Area, my daughter did something surprising and quite admirable.

We were at ABC Cafe in Oakland Chinatown and sitting at one of those tables with swivel chairs on one side and a bench on the other. She was driving me insane by swiveling around in her chair so hard that every time it reached the end of travel, it shook the whole table. Her little cousin, who was sitting in the swivel chair next to her, started swiveling, too. I was about to smack someone.

ME: Mui, stop spinning your chair.
MUI: (continues swiveling)
ME: Mui, stop spinning your chair.
MUI: (continues swiveling)
ME: Mui, that's one. If you don't stop, we will wait in the car while Yi Yi and Avery finish lunch.
MUI: (continues swiveling) I'm not spinning. The chair is spinning me.
ME: That's two.
MUI: (Gets up and walks over to my side of table.) Mommy, can you move over? I want to sit here.
ME: Why?
MUI: Because I don't want to spin and when I sit in the chair it spins.

How many times I wish I knew my will power was not sufficient, that I should just remove myself from temptation.

We are not religious people, and my husband feels guilty about that as he was raised Catholic. This Easter, we celebrated by heading to IHOP for breakfast. The new Horton themed breakfast had Easter colors in it, so we were covered.

We then went to the Utah's Hogle Zoo. There was a new giraffe born over the winter. And he was hanging out with his mom enjoying the beautiful Spring day.

After the zoo, we went home for a nap and then baked cupcakes. Notice the Easter colors.

It was a good Easter Sunday.

We have been living on one working floodlight in the dining room and one in the kitchen. The others had all burned out. Yesterday, I finally go to Target and pick up a mess of light bulbs and one of those light bulb changer things (we have cathedral ceilings).

When my husband got home, he found me cooking dinner and changing light bulbs. I found him carrying a light bulb changer thing and a mess of replacement bulbs. Turns out he had gone out that morning to Home Depot.

We really need to talk more. Or he should get on Twitter. Next time it could be milk and cereal.

We were in Oakland this past weekend. My kid and I had to head for the airport after Dim Sum with my family yesterday. I tell her to get into her car seat. She messes about; talking about the frogs we got. I tell her, again, to get into her car seat. She continues to ignore me. We are in a hurry. I repeat, loudly, bordering on shrill, for her to get into her car seat. She stops, looks at me and says, "Relax, Mom."

She is 3. I was ready to throttle her. But her comment caught me off guard and I could only laugh. I relaxed.

I always thought it was tough growing up Chinese American: Chinese at home and American everywhere else. It wasn't until recently that I realized it was and is infinitely harder for my parents.

My parents immigrated to the US from China and Hong Kong over 30 years ago so that their children could have a better life. They left behind everything they knew, family and friends, and moved to a land of foreign languages and cultures. Their only solace was that they could base their new life on their traditions.

The dissonance was not apparent to myself and my siblings until my niece's 12 day celebration. My sisters and I always wondered why my mother was so put out when she cooked healing foods for us after we had our babies. We chalked it up to my mom being a Cantonese mom. She ruled with an iron fist of general dissatisfaction.

Apparently, according to Chinese tradition, our mother-in-laws were supposed to take care of us. Cook us the healing foods. Prepare for and invite guests to the newborn's 12 day celebration. But, my mother had to take on this responsibility because our mother-in-laws were not doing it. They either didn't know how or didn't want to be bothered. She took on a role that was not hers and for which she would get no thanks.

In Chinese tradition, when a woman marries, her parents relinquish all rights. The woman's well-being is the responsibility of her husband and his family. If he and his family do not care for her, tough. Her parents have no say. People would frown upon my mother for stepping in to take care of my sisters and me.

This is what my parents had to struggle with. Do they choose tradition, passed down through generations and over thousands of years, all they know? Or do they choose their children's welfare? Fortunately, my parents chose us, just like they did over 30 years ago.