Wednesday June 22, 2005

Seventy Bucks to Unplug Your Toilet! It's one of life's small ignobilities to need to ask for help when one's toilet is clogged.  When quietly skulking up from the basement with the plunger to fix an unexpected problem doesn't yield the results one prays for.

I had such a situation the other week, so ultimately had to call in professional help.  "Sure. I can come over and help you out. The day after tomorrow.  It'll cost you seventy bucks, or more, depending on what is called for."

Seventy bucks?!  The day after tomorrow?  This unplugging business must be booming.

(In fact it is.  With the advent of low flow toilets, these guys are in great demand I subsequently learned.  But I digress.)

So "Ivan the Unplugger" shows up on cue two days later.  I wasn't sure what to expect but this guy turned out to be exactly what I expected.  I can almost hear the Hollywood director's call to central casting, "Hey doll face.  Send up some guy who looks like he unplugs toilets for a living."

Ivan comes into the house.  A big guy.  A really big guy.  A mountain of a man, and one of the nicest people I've ever met.  "Yepper.  You got a clog here.  Let me get a few things from the truck and see what I can do."

I retire to the kitchen not wanting to watch the delicate operation.  Ivan huffs and puffs his way up the stairs schlepping various medieval torture instruments with him.

After a couple of suspenseful minutes I hear that glorious sound of a bouncing healthy flush coming from the upstairs bathroom.  I felt like lighting up a cigar.

Making small talk with Ivan in a palatable sense of post struggle victory, I asked if he figured out what the clog was.  I knew it was a stupid question  as soon as it left my lips.  He must hear this one all the time as his prefabricated reply was "I suspect you don't really want to know, do you?"  He was right.  I didn't.

I happily paid him the seventy dollars and he was off like Superman to save the next poor soul from his sewer crisis.

As he left, I realized a few things.

You gotta have the right tools for the job.
Always respect the careers of others.
And next time I want to complain about my job, I should consider the alternatives.

I guess it really wasn't seventy bucks down the drain after all.


( Jun 22 2005, 08:26:01 AM MDT ) Permalink Comments [0]