Robin Wilton's esoterica

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06 Jan · Fri 2006

"In space, no-one can hear you scam..."

One of the 'New Year News Round-up' programmes I heard on Radio 4 included a segment on 'high hopes of 2005 and what became of them'. The 'Make Poverty History' campaign came up, of course, and it was noted that for all the apparent public concern at the time, not much actually seemed to have changed as a result. 'Are the prospects much better for 2006?', asked the programme's host. 'Not much', replied one of the correspondents, going on to explain that with President Putin taking over as President of the G8, the issue was likely to stall in the face of mainstream Russia's general indifference to the African continent. Actually it was expressed in even more blunt terms than that, but you get the picture. I don't know whether that's an accurate representation of the Russian view of either world poverty in general or Africa in particular. However, all of this flooded back into my mind today when I was sent the following. It's a variant of the now-notorious 'Nigerian 419' email scam. This version has apparently been around since 2004, but I hadn't seen it until today:

Dear Mr. Sir, REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE-STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL I am Dr. -name- -deleted-, the cousin of Nigerian Astronaut, Air Force Major -name- -deleted-. He was the first African in space when he made a secret flight to the Salyut 6 space station in 1979. He was on a later Soviet spaceflight, Soyuz T-16Z to the secret Soviet military space station Salyut 8T in 1989. He was stranded there in 1990 when the Soviet Union was dissolved. His other Soviet crew members returned to earth on the Soyuz T-16Z, but his place was taken up by return cargo. There have been occasional Progrez supply flights to keep him going since that time. He is in good humor, but wants to come home. In the 14-years since he has been on the station, he has accumulated flight pay and interest amounting to almost $ 15,000,000 American Dollars. This is held in a trust at the Lagos National Savings and Trust Association. If we can obtain access to this money, we can place a down payment with the Russian Space Authorities for a Soyuz return flight to bring him back to Earth. I am told this will cost $ 3,000,000 American Dollars. In order to access his trust fund we need your assistance. Consequently, my colleagues and I are willing to transfer the total amount to your account or subsequent disbursement, since we as civil servants are prohibited by the Code of Conduct Bureau (Civil Service Laws) from opening and/ or operating foreign accounts in our names. Needless to say, the trust reposed on you at this juncture is enormous. In return, we have agreed to offer you 20 percent of the transferred sum, while 10 percent shall be set aside for incidental expenses (internal and external) between the parties in the course of the transaction. You will be mandated to remit the balance 70 percent to other accounts in due course. Kindly expedite action as we are behind schedule to enable us include downpayment in this financial quarter.

The back-story for this con raises some intriguing questions... for instance, what is the mysterious 'return cargo' referred to? Is the 'secret Russian space station' actually a cunning conduit for extra-terrestrial imports? (A colleague of mine has hinted at illicit trade in part-used dilithium crystals and Romulan ale...). Much less enticingly: one of the types of return cargo is, of course, the waste material which must be disposed of over time. If that doesn't trigger your sympathy for poor Major -deleted-, would anything? Imagine being told, over a period of 14 years, that your space on the pod back to Earth has instead been taken by a box of unmentionables. Talk about a kick in the self-esteem... If Dr -deleted-'s heart-rending plea does inspire you to reach for your wallet, of course, don't bother sending the cash or your account details all the way to Nigeria --- just slip them my way and I'll make sure they are put to good use. After all, there's nothing to spend it on in orbit....

Posted by racingsnake @ 04:35 PM GMT+00:00

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