The Sect of Rama

I promise I'll come up with something to blog about myself, but for now, here's another report, on our now 18 month old, from my lovely wife:

We took a ride to Burlingame this morning. Now that her car seat is facing forward, Bean is able to recognize places, so when we hit Burlingame Avenue, she clapped and shrieked with delight and didn't stop until I unbuckled her from the carseat.

Our first stop was to hit the drycleaners to drop off your dress shirts. Bean helped me carry the pile of shirts and kept pointing to her shirt and my shirt to let me know she knew what it was she was carrying. As we walked town the street, a fire truck came by with 5 firefighters inside (it had a huge cab in front). Bean saw this and started waving like mad and they returned her greeting with a 5 bell salute and lots of hooting and hollering and waving. Bean was in her glory.

Still on a firetruck high as we entered the drycleaner, she waved and smiled vigorously at the joyless, unfriendly employee who stared blankly at bean. This lack of response only inspired bean to be more friendly and she waved and smiled with more gusto and threw in some grunts for good measure. Blank stares made way for blanker stares and we left with our ticket and headed for friendlier turf. Bean likes the music and the drinking fountain at Anthropologie and I like the merchandise, so we stopped in and made a bee line for the fountains, conveniently located in the sale rack room. Bean has at last mastered the art of drinking from a fountain and was so excited by her new accomplishment, she threw up a half cup of the contents of her stomach all over me, herself and the floor. Fortunately (or not), she missed the clothing racks so I didn't have to buy anything. Another joyless woman (it is spring, people, get happy!) witnessed our little regurgitation incident and shot bean and I a dirty look and made a tsk tsk sound as I quickly cleaned up the mess with a baby wipe I pulled from my purse.

It was a beautiful day and not even a surprise barf or a second encounter with a bitter woman could break our spirit, so we proceeded to Gumshoe, a rather upscale but friendly shoestore for kids. Bean let out some noises I've never heard before, which I translated to mean: OH MY GOD WE'VE FOUND MECCA. Tiny shoes displayed at heights ideal for toddlers' roving hands opposite big poofy round seats to climb and lounge on. Bean was drawn to a pair of sandles with big chunky metallic flowers as well as the entire row of euro-looking boys shoes. She proceeded to rearrange them as if she were the display merchandising director and the sales girl came over and applauded her efforts and for some reason started encouraging her to pick everything up and relocate it. I apologized for bean, but she said as far as she was concerned a kid that cute could do whatever she wanted in the store. Bean quickly caught on to the powers of her persuasion with this woman and proceeded to show off. Teeth were flashed, eyelashes were batted and shoes were traded back and forth. Bean then started grabbing from the top shelf ($80 and above toddler shoes) and pulling the price stickers off each shoe. As I frantically tried to match her de-stickering pace with reapplying the sticker,s the very kind and bean-smitten lady said: she can put the price stickers wherever she likes. Since I had no plans to buy anything, I decided we'd better hightail it out of there and I said something like, we'll be back with grandma. The sales girl replied: Come back anytime - you don't need to buy anything. And as we walked out the door, I heard her say to her colleague: "OMG, I want that baby!".

So for every 2 joyless women, there is one kindhearted one that makes you forget about the others.

I think @mcjenveigh was encouraged by the Life of Bean series feedback, she sent me a whopper tonight:

I'm writing this down while its still fresh, or otherwise by the time you get home from tennis, I'll have forgotten the details.

So I usually hit the proverbial wall in terms of entertaining bean by about 4:30 pm each day, and then I just lie on the floor and let her beat on me with her bath toys until you get home. But since I knew you were playing tennis after work, I decided I should probably plan ahead in terms of additional options for keeping her majesty happy and productive. Here's how that went down:

{But first, a sidenote about the CRAZED GREEN-EYED MONSTER you call 'the cat': Some good news and bad news:The bad news first: Around 4 or so, she managed to undo your temporary barricade on the auto kitty feeder and pulled out about 20 kibble, ahead of the regularly scheduled dispensing time. I put the remnants of the destroyed protective mechanism you built on the breakfast nook table. The last bit of plastic from the original guard she broke also came off in this latest scuffle. The good news is, the replacement guard the auto cat feeder people sent arrived in the mail today.}

Now back to bean. I knew I wanted to take her downtown, maybe pick up some dinner because getting her out of the house not only wears her out, but generally makes her happy. Before we left, we went to inspect the cat auto feeder to make sure it was clear of debris, and all of a sudden bean leaned down on all fours and put her face in the bowl and started making chomping noises, followed by a series of meows, and then, because she apparently is one who believes in embodying the entire character of that whom one is mocking, she cupped her hand like a paw, and began tapping the auto feeder's kibble tower to try and release the food. I_am_not_making_this_up. I took that as a cue to leave and so we headed downtown.

We parked 2 blocks from Draegers. When I took her out of the carseat, Bean immediately started hooting and hollering(sp?) like horshack from welcome back kotter (eww ewww eww, mistuh kottah, mistuh kotter!) only without the mistuh kotter part and so I asked her to show me what she was excited about. She pointed towards draegers and we walked the 2 blocks until she led me (with pointed finger) to the frog shaped cookies behind the counter at the bakery section. I asked her if she wanted the frog and she said: YEAH!. There was a kid in front of us, also getting a frog cookie. She looked at his selection and then pointed to the smiley face cookie and requested that instead. I tell you this, because it makes me proud that she already has her own style and is not afraid to veer from the pack.

Next we browsed the wine section where she pointed out her favorite labels to me (she's big on those with animals - frog's leap, rabbit ridge, etc.). Then we headed upstairs to the housewares section. They have about 100 different soaps and candles and we had to stop and smell every single one, including those without any fragrance. At that point she spotted the section with children's things - most intrigued by the selection of about 10 different stuffed animals. Her favorites were a giant panda and shark. We had to touch each one's nose about 30 times. At the end of this strange ritual, she gave me the biggest, unprompted hug in the world, which unbeknownst to me, was witnessed by an older man on his way to the men's room from the Bar at the Restaurant down the hall. He said: Wow, she is like an angel isn't she? And I smiled. And then he came back (and oddly enough he smelled a little like Negronis with a hint of lime) and looked at her again, and said, I just wanted to make sure she was a girl after I said that. I was ok with this, since most people just assume she is a boy for I don't know what reason. We said goodbye to him, and to the giant panda and shark and then on our way out, bean insisted we stop to smell every single bucket of flowers, including the artificial ones.

We headed down the street and I noticed a tour bus of people parked in the lot apparently getting their gourmet shopping on while the exchange rate is still decent. (this applies to the story later). We walked past the pizza joint and bean stopped at the window and waived to every single patron and employee. Only the employees noticed her, but they all waved back, which made Bean very very happy. We headed to the japanese takeout place, got a teryaki bowl, and bean said her variation of "thank you" upon our exit and then made our way back to the car. As we walked by the parking lot, the tourbus was exiting and bean waved to the entire bus. I think she got a few waves in return, but by this time it was dark and I couldn't really see very well. As expected, she was having too much fun and cried and kicked and screamed when I put her in the car seat. I noticed that she stopped crying once I shut the door and then resumed when I got into the car. I can only chalk that up to her understanding of the principles of energy efficiency.

After the short ride home, I went to retrieve her from the car and I asked her if she was still mad at me. She said: "YEAH!" but I felt okay with that answer, only because she doesn't know how to say "no" yet. But once inside she proceeded to stomp her feet for 30 seconds as if to close out the episode of anger with a physical manifiestation of an exclamation point. And then she was back to her old bean self.

We ate dinner without incident and I discovered that an unexpected perk of having this particular kid is that she will eat my broccoli! Then after I applauded her for eating the veggies I can't stand (without revealing my disdain for them), we went upstairs to get her bath ready. For kicks, I started shouting out commands to see what she would do. "Go find your rubber duck". "Go get your frog". "Pick out your pajamas". "Grab a fresh diaper". "Take out the trash". She completed all but the last without faultering, and we went into the bathroom and began to draw the bath. She wandered away from me and I looked up to find her walking in circles as the toilet paper she had grabbed began to envelop her like a mummy. It was too funny to stop and I knew that ultimately the roll would run out. It finally did and she gracefully stepped out of her paper toga and proceeded to wipe the floor with all of the toilet paper. And since the floor is not exactly sparkly, I didn't stop her. Eventually the tp started breaking apart, which she seemed to view as a welcome challenge. She picked up every last piece and put them in the trash, again unprompted. OH HOW I LOVE THIS KID.

The rest of the night went on as usual -- playtime, milk, 1/2 a yo gabba gabba episode, books, a little bit of bedtime protest, then sleep. Oh, except she definitely missed you. Everytime a daddy came up in the books we read, she looked around. Now I sleep.

I'm guessing only Liz appreciates these, but here's another daily update on our 17 month old:

(1) We went splashing in puddles at her request. Unfortunately I did no know in advance this was her agenda, so her leather/suede shoes are pretty close to ruined (drying out on the heater vent now).
(2) She picked up one of the chocolate wrappers off the floor, opened the cabinet under the sink, and threw it in the trash (w/o me prompting her)!
(3) She protested sleep so I told her I would read her one book; we read the book and she immediately stood up, grabbed her frog and hippo and paci and climbed on me to take her to bed (w//o me prompting her!)

Little bean is growing up.

Hilarious video. Be patient- its worth it:

Another email update on our 16 month old:



If Bean kept a to-do list or a daily calendar, here is what it might look like for the morning of Thursday, January 29, 2009.

1:15 AM Wake up crying. Wait impatiently for Mama to rescue me from crib so we can snuggle for 3 or 4 hours together on the couch while I involuntarily, but violently kick her in the abdomen during my restlessly cozy sleep.

4:53 AM Wake up crying and kicking and punching when Mama tries to put me back in my crib.

4:55 AM Drink warm milk until I feel sleepy enough to fall asleep in my crib as soon as my head hits the mattress.

8:27 AM Jump up like a jack-in-the-box when my mama opens the door to check on me.

8:28 AM Run to kitchen to watch Daddy pour the hot coffee for Mama.

8:33 AM Eat buttered toast. Offered buttered toast bits to kitty cat, but pull it away at the last minute. SUCKA!

8:55 AM Charm daddy into letting me watch Noggin Theme songs via YouTube on his laptop.

9:00AM Wave Bye to Daddy as he speeds off on his zoom-zoom motorcycle to a place he describes only as "work".

9-10AM run around the house with no pants, while goose bumps envelop my legs because it just feels right.

10AM Go to downtown with Mama. Shriek with delight when I drop each coin into the meter. Get angry when Mama says we don't need to put more coins in the meter, or put coins in other people's meters.

10:10 AM Go into new French Patisserie and cause such a commotion over $5 chocolate rodent-shaped pastry that entire wait staff comes out from behind the counter to see if the pastry version of the mouse has transformed into a live one.

10:11AM Settle for a small plain butter cookie because my mama will not (a) feed me chocolate (b) pay $5 for a single-serve pastry regardless of how much it looks like an edible version of one of my kitty's toys, and (c) in spite of what my daddy thinks, I do not "own" her and am not in charge.

10:12-11am Walk around downtown and wave at every passer-by I see; offer my pacifier to all dogs (living or plush).

11:02am Cry hysterically when I have to go back into my car seat, because even though I am so exhausted I could keel over, I would much rather take in the beautiful day and see new places and faces, than sit backwards in the car.

11:15-12:15 Eat some fruit and dance, dance, dance while shaking the new musical eggs mama bought me this morning (http://www.mastermindtoys.com/store/product.asp?product_code=49115&subcat=139&agecat=0&cat=14&brand=0&page=1).

12:20 Practice walking backwards. Practice walking forwards.

12:25-12:30 Practice zipping my fuzzy pajamas up and down and down and up as a way to sharpen my fine motor skills while simultaneously pushing off my much-needed nap.

12:35 Read Olivia and laugh as if someone said something very, very witty, even though there is nothing funny about a pig with a pesky brother after the 400th read -- this is yet another way to push off my much needed nap.

12:40 Scream and cry hysterically when placed in my crib as if I have just been wronged in a way that only horrendous crime or betrayal victims can identify with.

12:45 Sweet, sweet sleep.

This is an email update I received from my wife this afternoon, regarding our 14 month old daughter, "Bean":

hello,

we had a successful trip to target. Bean didn't point and grunt like an ape nor did she try to jump out of my arms. Woo hoo. She did seem to have fun though, and enjoyed the giant round red barriers in front of target - she thought they were giant balls. We got h20 filters (yes, 3 to a pack - they stopped selling singles), gerber peaches and animal crackers. Bean was having so much fun, we walked down to Old Navy, where she was dancing like her pants were on fire to the cheezy hiphop music they were playing. She also looks at clothes like a real person - picks them up holds them up to herself and looks them up and down. The sweater folding lady handed her something and she held onto it for dear life. I thought I was going to have to buy the hideous thing, but I distracted her with fuzzy socks and got it away from her.

We walked by a fountain and she made the water sign, then the brush teeth sign. By the time we got home she was all amped up. We brushed her teeth after some brunch, but she did not want to give up the toothbrush, so there was a mini meltdown. She diverted her tears by stealing a tampon out of my purse and then trying to brush her teeth with it. It was good fun trying to get her to relinquish the tampon.

She tried to climb the crib repeatedly but kept landing on her baby butt. Finally fell asleep at 12:11, but woke at 12:47. I'm letting her cry it out a while b4 I rescue her.

All in all, a good bean day. She is in a pretty good mood - I need to take her on daily adventures from now on. BTW - my right bicep is huge from carrying her for 1 hour straight at the strip mall.

How is your day?

An anonymous tipster spotted this van in DC. Not sure what the Native American theme is about, but after watching the Olympics all week, I thought the guys on the right (in the last photo) were gymnasts working on the high bar:

Via:

Just saw this great (potentially NSFW, depending on how uptight your coworkers may be) video entitled Garry's Mod Club Dance Video- clearly put together using Garry's Mod. The mod is available from Steam, which is sort of a cross between a podcast client and iTunes-- a great business model even with its shortcomings. I find myself giving up more and more control (and privacy) for convenience lately, but I digress. To the video!:

The first part of the series is available now at Amazon and Netflix. Amazon has some exclusive screenshots and pretty lame video/commercial, so I'm not convinced I want a copy quite yet. Besides, I see its already been added to my Netflix queue (thanks Mrs R! I knew that Entertainment Weekly subscription wasn't totally worthless! :)

According to this interview with David X. Cohen, it sounds like the second disc of the four disc series is due out in roughly six months.

Via Waxy, I got turned onto the Grickle things blog. There's tons of stuff under user 'grickle' on YouTube too. Only watched a few so far, but I really like the style of humor. For once its nice to be late to the party, I don't have to wait for my next Grickle fix!

Go Mrs Roberts!

Via Kevin (why he didn't blog this up himself I'll never know), a spoof of what the show 24 would be like if it were aired in 1994:

Via, c/o Roy:

Whats with all the trans-species aggression in the news lately? The score is now Animals: one, Humans: two (this and this).