Belly Button Lint: Rick Ramsey's Weblog

Back when posting your musings to your coworkers over office email was an affront to accepted standards of corporate behavior, it was a lot more appealing. Once the guys who signed your paycheck started encouraging you to blog, it lost some of its charm. After all what's the appeal of being naughty if it's no longer naughty?

A friend of mine asked me to dig this up from the pre-blogging archives. It's from the .com bust of 2000, it's about a startup that went under, it's got more than a few inside jokes, but in many ways it's apropos to recent events. I figured, why not?.

A SLICE OF THE PIE

- by Rick Ramsey and Don McLean, inspired by Jim
Engquist and commissioned by Jack Phillips, with help
from Michael Barton and Laura Ramsey.

A long, long time ago I can still remember how that
big sum used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make my broker dance
And maybe we'd be happy for a while.

But the CFO he made me shiver.
With each postponement he delivered,
Bad news on my desktop.
Announcements made my heart stop.

I can't remember if I cried
When I read about the market slide,
But something touched me deep inside,
The day, the IPO, died.
So...

CHORUS:
Bye, bye Mister Millionaire Guy!
Worked my ass off for the billions but the billions ran dry.
Them banker boys are making me cry
Singin' this may be the day that you vest,
But this won't be the day that you rest.

Did you buy that load of hype?
And did you decide to work all night?
If a VP asked you to.
Now do you believe in rent control?
Can foodstamps save your mortal soul?
And can you teach me how to spend real slow?

Well I know you're hoping for the best
Cuz I saw you wearin' your green vest.
We all sure paid our dues,
But now we're singing the blues!

I was a lonely coder chasin bucks
With a Porsche traded for my pickup truck,
But I knew I was out of luck,
The day, the IPO, died.
I started singin...

CHORUS:
Bye, bye Mister Millionaire Guy!
Worked my ass off for the billions but the billions ran dry.
Them banker boys are making me cry
Singin' this may be the day that you vest,
But this won't be the day that you rest.

Now for four years we've been counting down
To the day when we might leave this town,
But that's not how it's gonna be.
Now we're forced to work for pork and beans
Instead of looking like James Dean
Dreaming of how it could have been.

While the market was looking nice
The stock lost its inflated price.
The S-1 was withdrawn.
Our suitors were all gone.

All those books we read by Moore
All those investors beating down our door
So we sing dirges all the more
Because, the IPO, died.
We were singin'...

CHORUS:
Bye, bye Mister Millionaire Guy!
Worked my ass off for the billions but the billions ran dry.
Them banker boys are making me cry
Singin' this may be the day that you vest,
But this won't be the day that you rest.

Reorg, reorg, in a summer downpour
Could we have just one VP more?
Fifty five and rising fast.
All these promotions are such a blast.
Do you think it helps if you arrive last?
Or should you learn to drive real fast?

Now the Fortune press was sweet perfume!
And the analysts played an upbeat tune.
We all got up to dance.
Oh but we never got the chance!

When marketing tried to take the field,
Engineering just refused to yield
Do you recall what was revealed,
the day, the IPO, died?
We started singin'...

CHORUS:
Bye, bye Mister Millionaire Guy!
Worked my ass off for the billions but the billions ran dry.
Them banker boys are making me cry
Singin' this may be the day that you vest,
But this won't be the day that you rest.

Oh and though we are all in first place,
Procrastination lost that race.
With no time left to start again.
So come on, hack be nimble, hack be quick.
Hack it fast for the latest fix.
Because hacking is the devil's only friend.

As I saw the market turn the page
My hands were clinched in fists of rage,
No angel born in the Valley
Could reproduce that market rally!

And as the flames climbed high into the night,
No one told us it would be alright.
I saw Satan laughing with delight
The day, the IPO, died.
He was singin'...

CHORUS:
Bye, bye Mister Millionaire Guy!
Worked my ass off for the billions but the billions ran dry.
Them banker boys are making me cry
Singin' this may be the day that you vest,
But this won't be the day that you rest.

I met a guy who shines my shoes
And I asked him for some market news
But he just frowned and shined away.
I went down to the sacred store
Where I'd heard the pitches years before
But the man there said my placement wouldn't pay.

And in the house the children screamed
The wife she cried, and alone I dreamed.
But not a word was spoken,
Our hopes they all were broken.

And the three beings we admire most
Meeker, E-Trade, and the Holy Ghost
They stole the champagne for the toast
The day, the IPO, died.
And they were singin'...

CHORUS: Bye, bye Mister Millionaire Guy! Worked my ass off for the billions but the billions ran dry. Them executive boys are making us cry Singin' this won't be the day that we rest ...