that northwest parkway on a sunday night must be the emptiest road in the world which is just as well as I'm weaving across 3 lanes and across the median while I'm looking for 2 dollars for the toll in the dark and I still haven't quite figured out the cruise control on the red beast so I'm crashing into the barrier before I reverse over the spikes and have to get out of the car before I give jean my 2 dollars and she sends me on my way with a receipt and a have a great day y'all and blow me if the last toll is now 2.50 so by the time I've actually found 50 cents in the bottom of my bag I've hit the flyover and taken the front wing of the red peril and so I limp into the car park of the omni with a car out of wacky races and the demeanor of a drunk that sleeps in his car and I stumble up to the check in desk where the collective eyebrow raise is enough to lift the roof but as soon as they find out I'm english it's all just quite funny and alright so they pack me off to 906 with a withering smile and a handful of breakfast vouchers which I will in a moment spill all over the floor of the elevator and try and pick up just as the doors open and my case crashes to the floor and I find myself looking at a chinese woman's skirt as I'm trying to raise myself from the floor at which point I casually drop my laptop bag from my shoulder as the elevator doors cut my hair and there a noise like an lcd screen cracking and a pocket full of change tumbling down the gap between elevator and floor and the corridors here are very long.
but its ok because the rooms in this place are rather nice except obviously the one I'm in today which somehow has an extra kingsize bed squeezed in it with the obligatory turned down corners and 17 cushions that will spend the next week being put on the floor and then back on the bed and then back on the floor without so much of a whiff of a lower back to support so this must be the extra bed I use to put my suitcase on and tip everything out on and then go to the bathroom and turn the lights on which fool you into thinking they're not too bright really except they're just warming up so by the time you've got your face near the mirror to see just how bad 26 hours of travel in other people's recycled breath can make your face look they spring into life and your retinas are toast for half an hour during which time all you will be able to see is burnt white effigies of jesus christ so it's about now you think about checking email but realize there's probably nothing quite so futile and pointless and so you go back to the bathroom and fall asleep brushing your teeth with shower gel.
Disclaimer: I work for Sun Microsystems, but this is nothing to do with them and it's all my fault, even though I might sometimes mention Solaris or something.
