Wednesday February 25, 2009 
Wednesday February 25, 2009 How much do I love this photo? How much do I love my son?
Posted by terrymckenzie ( Feb 25 2009, 08:12:05 AM PST ) Permalink Comments [0]
Wednesday February 18, 2009 Mrs. McKenzie Goes to Sacramento
I went to Sacramento yesterday to stand next to my son and several thousand others in support of monogamy, love and commitment. I went to Sacramento because I believe all of us are worthy of saying, “I do.” I went to Sacramento yesterday to take a stand against those who would deny my son and so many others equal protection and equal rights under the law.
I'm not an activist. I haven't taken part in a protest since the 60's. But when Proposition 8 passed, something awoke in me, and I remembered this poem:
"In Germany, they came first for the Communists, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist;
And then they came for the trade unionists, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist;
And then they came for the Jews, And I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew;
And then . . . they came for me . . . And by that time there was no one left to speak up."
Today, they deny my son the right to marry because he's gay. Next, will they deny him an education or job because he's gay? Or look the other way if he gets beat up because he's gay? And next week, will they do the same thing to you, because you're a Christian? Or because you're a Jew? Or a Muslim? Or because they don't like the color of your skin or the place of your origin?
Slippery slopes, my friends. Slippery slopes.
This isn't just about gay rights. This is about human rights. And common sense. California voters are welcome to believe whatever their faith commands them, but voters are not welcome to use the civil laws of this country to force their beliefs on me. Even if voters won two elections that demanded stripping gays of their right to marriage. Even if it was an alleged “amendment” to our state constitution. Because it wasn't – it was a revision to the very basic rights that our constitution guarantees us. And if voters want to take out equal rights, they need to go to our state legislature first and have them agree to the revision before taking it to the people for a vote. Otherwise? Consider the implications. One side wins this year, the other side wins next year. We have chaos and constant litigation.
So yes, Mrs. McKenzie went to Sacramento, and what a wonderful day it was. I spent it with my beloved son and together we supported a cause we believe in. The low point of the day for me was when I heard an African-American minister justify Proposition 8 by accusing gays of being pedophiles. The high point? Hearing other people of faith, such as Rev. Art Cribbs of the San Marino Congregational United Church of Christ, speak out passionately in support of love, commitment, gay rights and, yes, gay marriage.
Posted by terrymckenzie ( Feb 18 2009, 08:57:45 AM PST ) Permalink Comments [1]
Monday February 09, 2009 I haven't written much about my daughter, Carolyn. She moved to South America in 2004 to pursue her dreams, and with that relocation, we moved into a long-distance relationship. But with my baby having a baby, it seems like the right time to spend a little time on my firstborn.
Carolyn was a delicious baby. I don't know how else to describe her. Happy, funny, darling. Big blue eyes, a head full of gorgeous blond curls.
Lover of books, dogs, dolls, drawing. Devoted to her dad. A wonderful big sister to her little brother (at least until she became an adolescent – ugh...don't ask!). And as she grew into girlhood, she became an interesting person – smart, tough-minded, independent, athletic.
I've just finished up a week with Carolyn, which is more mother/daughter time than we've had together in years. As I sit on my flight back to Los Angeles, I'm flooded with memories...
We bought our summer home in Montana in the fall of 2000. Carolyn spent the summer between her freshman and sophomore college years living at our cabin on Flathead Lake, one of her favorite places on earth. She got a job at the local Safeway, working in the bakery, and supported herself for that summer. Come August, she needed to get back to Washington University in St. Louis, a very long drive. So I flew up to Missoula, where she picked me up to start the long drive east.
It was a trip of adventures. We took a “shortcut” across Wyoming on a two-lane road which seemed great at first, until we ended up following a truck that was carrying a house – yes, that's right – a house. And we got to follow that vehicle for well over 100 miles. Turnouts? What are turnouts for? This driver clearly had no clue. So we crawled along at about 35 miles per hour for hours until we got to an area where we could pass.
We were into distance, not sightseeing. Meals were a last-minute-inhale-and-go affair. We ended up one evening in a driving rainstorm in Oklahoma, forced to cry “Uncle” and stop for the night at a convict hotel. A miserable two-story sorry excuse for shelter run, I was convinced, by the local halfway house.
This wasn't the first trip I took with Carolyn, driving with her either to or from St. Louis. Bad motels, 800-mile days and junk food were recurrent themes, as was what music could be played in the car. We both had a healthy skepticism about each other's taste (or lack thereof) in music, with the result that one of us was always pouting. On one of these many trips, we finally struck upon the perfect compromise: we alternated choosing CDs to listen to, but we could only choose music from the other person's collection. Voila! Peace in the car.
In my experience, your kids really grow up when they get an apartment of their own. And that's what happened with Carolyn as a junior in college, moving out of the dorm. Compound that with a semester abroad, and our child became an adult. Carolyn headed off to Chile in 2002, and came home seven months later fluent in Spanish, with a new crop of friends, including one whose name kept cropping up: Juan Carlos Toro. We didn't know it, but the die was cast.
Fast forward to today, and Juan Carlos is our son-in-law and the father of our coming grandson. They've moved to London from Santiago, and so the adventure continues.
Relationships with your children, like relationships with your spouse, require heavy investments of time, patience, love, laughter and work. And infinite amounts of forgiveness, on both sides. The rewards are indescribable. We are blessed.
Posted by terrymckenzie ( Feb 09 2009, 09:08:28 AM PST ) Permalink Comments [1]
Wednesday February 04, 2009 This is my first week of part-time status, and I've kicked off my new life in a pretty glorious way, in NYC with my daughter, sister and niece. Carolyn flew in from London, Joan from Cleveland and my niece, Amy, from Colorado, making us the perfect tourist quartet.
Carolyn is six months pregnant, and this is probably her last time in awhile when she can go scampering around NY relatively unencumbered. Although seeing all the young Manhattan parents out with their little ones reminds us that life goes on after babies – it's just a little different.
Even Picasso got into the baby spirit, as we saw at MOMA – I call this picture MOMA Mia:
With a baby on the way, shopping is really, really fun again. We hit The Gap, where they were offering ridiculously cheap deals on baby clothes. Baby blue jeans, overalls, onesies, shirts, baseball jackets – Lucas will be a very chic little guy! And we walked out only $120 lighter. I guess the recession does have its benefits for the consumer. (Although I do feel badly about all the retail folks losing their jobs – that is horrible.)
Saturday we took in Billy Elliot, the Elton John production new on Broadway. It was fantastic – I'd go see it again tomorrow if I could. These young dancers were really something. So much talent on that stage. And, of course, the story is all about accepting your children so they can be happy and healthy, which is such a life-affirming message.
Sunday we walked all around the Upper Eastside, where I mortified my sister. We went into this little shop that had darling bathing suits with soccer balls and baseballs on them, as I thought it would be fun to get matching suits for my soccer-mad son-in-law, Juan Carlos, and the baby. We wondered in and I asked what the smallest size suit was, and the clerk told me it came in a size 6 months. Perfect! I asked how much for the suit, and she said $95. At which point I shrieked and asked if everyone had lost their minds. And walked out. My sister told me that was not proper behavior in a high end shop and I was supposed to carefully examine the suit, ask to see the adult set, ponder the two items, check the fabric, and then say I'd think about it. What can I tell you? I'm a rube from Cleveland, and there's no way on God's green earth I'm spending $95 on an item the baby will wear maybe twice and will definitely poop and pee in a minimum of once. Sigh. Back to the bargain basement for me.
Did I tell you we ate well? Walked our feet off? Spent hours at MOMA, where I shook my head sadly for poor MOMA-LA, which really doesn't have a chance against MOMA-NY.
Mostly we reconnected, and when your family lives thousands of miles apart, that is really something to treasure. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow... I'm loving every minute this week.
Posted by terrymckenzie ( Feb 04 2009, 12:30:11 PM PST ) Permalink Comments [2]
