Thursday May 28, 2009 
Thursday May 28, 2009 My mom had a good year. When she was initially diagnosed in March of 2008 with metastatic breast cancer, we wouldn’t have dared to hope for the 12 months of relative good health she enjoyed following her radiation treatment. In fact, my sister and I had gotten a bit blasé about it – yeah, yeah, yeah, mom’s doing great. How are the kids?
So it was a shock to get the call on Thursday – her cancer is back, and with a vengeance, it appears. Her lymph nodes are now invaded, and her right arm is essentially crippled with pain from the tumor pressing on a nerve. Our good year, it seems, is over.
She’s going through a zillion tests – multiple MRIs, X-rays, scans. I’m flying to Cleveland next week so I can be with her and my sister when the oncologist interprets the results for us and gives us options for moving forward.
You, of course, don’t know my mom. So let me tell you a little bit about her. She was a depression baby – didn’t get to go to college because she needed to work and contribute to her family’s income. The lack of a college degree, though, is absolutely no indication of how bright and capable my mom is. A killer Scrabble and bridge player, she combines raw intelligence with common sense, a lively personality and sharp humor. I like to think I got her common sense and humor genes. Unfortunately, her social skills and ability to attract and keep large numbers of friends seems to have skipped me – and gone directly to our son, who shares his grandmother’s charm.
My mom is … such a mom. She knew her diagnosis a month ago, but chose not to tell us or anyone else until after Carolyn had the baby. She didn’t want to ruin the joy of that moment for us with bad news. So she held onto the secret and dealt with it alone. I can barely even write about this without tearing up.
I don’t know what’s going to happen. A year ago, I didn’t think she had a chance of making it for this long. But I also know that she lives life on her terms, and she could well surprise us again. So I send up a quiet little prayer asking that her pain can be managed and she maintains the quality of life that is so important to her.
Because she’s my mom. And I love her.
Posted by terrymckenzie ( May 28 2009, 03:48:39 PM PDT ) Permalink Comments [5]
Tuesday May 19, 2009 Yeah, I Know.. But I Still Love LA
A not-uncommon conversation, when heading to Los Angeles on a flight, goes something like this:
(Passenger 1) “So, where are you from?”
(Victim, uh, Passenger 2 – me) “Los Angeles.”
(Passenger 1) “Oh, that’s too bad. It’s such a terrible city. The smog, the traffic, the crime…”
(My outside voice) “Hmmm.” (My inside voice) “Gee, buddy. What Shangri La do you live in that’s so fabulous? Please just stay there….”
(Passenger 1) “No, seriously. How do you stand it? What an awful place to live.”
(My outside voice) “Guess it’s not for everyone.” (My inside voice) “May a plague of 1 million grasshoppers be feasting on your luggage as we speak…”
So why is that perfect strangers seem to feel that it’s fine to knock your hometown? I just don’t get it – to me, it’s the height of rudeness. I fervently pray that they will go away and never visit my city again – rude people are not needed here.
I’m going to share with you just a few FABULOUS things about Los Angeles. And if you don’t agree, no problem. Just don’t come here to live and then complain.
December through May: The weather. It’s sunny, cool and glorious. Our rainstorms are very well behaved – they come at night and clear out the next day, leaving the skies dazzling bright.
Disney Center, Dorothy Chandler Music Center, Pasadena Playhouse, Groundlings Theater…: Boredom only comes when you have no imagination. There is so much entertainment in this town that it’s crazy. And as my son will point out to you, there’s a huge club nightlife here, where you can go to a little hole-in-the-wall bar and catch a performance of the Hold Steady, only to find out later that they’ve been named best band of the year by NPR’s “All Songs Considered.”
People leave you alone: No, seriously. No one cares about your personal business. Jewish married to a Catholic? No one cares. Asian married to a Latino? Your business. Gay or straight? Don’t care. My husband comes from a small town and he constantly exclaims over how wonderful this is. Oh stop - I can hear tongues clucking. If you want that small sense of community and invite it into your life, you can be talked about if you like. After all, what would the starlet magazine business do without gossip?
The Art Scene: By the ton. For example, Saturday night we were invited to the Folly Bowl in Altadena. This is held in a private home where the artist owners carved an amphitheater into their hillside and created an intimate place for musicians to play. We sat there, with perhaps 80 other people, sipping our wine and eating our picnic dinner, while listening to great jazz up close and personal. For $10 each. As for galleries and art studios, don't get me started... so many that you could spend all your time wandering from one to the next...
As I think about it, I’m going to adjust my airplane conversation as such:
(Passenger 1) “So, where are you from?”
(Victim, uh, Passenger 2 – me) “Los Angeles.”
(Passenger 1) “Oh, that’s too bad. It’s such a terrible city. The smog, the traffic, the crime…”
(My outside voice) “Are you kidding? You don’t know the half of it! Mudslides! Earthquakes! No public transportation! Social unrest! Horrible people! Believe me, you DON’T want to live here!” (My inside voice): “Now go away and leave Los Angeles to those who can appreciate it!”
Posted by terrymckenzie ( May 19 2009, 03:51:24 PM PDT ) Permalink Comments [2]
Friday May 15, 2009 I’ve done more reading in the past four months that I’ve done in the past four years. This is thanks to a combination of factors, largely my part-time status and my Kindle, which makes reading a true pleasure and provides endless material without the burden of carrying heavy books around.
I’ve read about politics, world affairs, and science. I’ve consumed memoirs, novels, short story collections, works of nonfiction. The good books I relish and hate to finish; the poorly written ones are abandoned with little regret.
So as we in the northern hemisphere move into summer, I want to make a deal – I’ll share my best reads with you if you share your best reads with me! And I’ll tell you at the start that I’ve been having problems with links on this blog site so I apologize for not being able to link you directly to more information on the books. Suffice it to say you can find them all at amazon.com (or amazon.com/kindle if you want them electronically).
I just finished The Lost City of Z, A Tale of Deadly Obsession in the Amazon (David Grann). This well-written book traces explorers in South America, focusing on Colonel Fawcett’s adventures in the early 20th century. Like the very best writing does, it takes you to a different world. In fact, The Lost City of Z does more than that – it takes you to Victorian England to learn about the Royal Geographic Society, dedicating to filling in “blank spots on the map.” It takes you to Brazil, and brings the deepest forest to life. It takes you to different societies of Amazon aboriginal people. This is a wonderful read – I hated to see it end.
On to short story collections. High on my list is Unaccustomed Earth by Jhumpa Lahiri. What a great book. Eight short stories focusing on Bengali parents living in America. I found myself disappointed to reach the end of each of these stories because I was so absorbed in the characters’ lives and I wanted to know more. (BTW, these days I only read books available on my Kindle, so I’m hoping Amazon will make Lahiri’s other collections available electronically).
For fiction, the gentle, funny Breakfast with Buddha; A Novel (Roland Merullo) was another book I lingered over, regretting that each page turn moved me closer to the end. The story of an unlikely executive moving to self-discovery is not the kind of book that would ordinarily attract me, but the writing was superb and the story engaging. I’d reread this one, a rare compliment.
So there you go. Now it’s your turn – what are your favorite books? I’m always looking for recommendations!
Posted by terrymckenzie ( May 15 2009, 10:44:10 AM PDT ) Permalink Comments [1]
Thursday May 07, 2009 Back in 1982, I was thrilled to have our first baby, but felt utterly incompetent to do the job properly. And when our second came along two years later, I still felt clumsy, juggling an infant with a toddler. So in trying to pin down what it is about being a grandmother that makes me incredibly happy, I’ve decided it’s at least partly because I can actually enjoy the baby instead of worrying and over-analyzing every minute of the day. This time, it’s sheer joy – the joy of impossibly soft skin, of how his little head cradles in my hand, of having him stare at me intently. The joy of seeing part of our daughter and son-in-law reflected in his little face. The joy of seeing the cycle of life go on. So go ahead – ask me how I feel about our new grandson, Lucas:
And ask Scott how he feels:
Holding a newborn feels like cradling a combination of the earthy and the sacred – such a raw little scrap of humanity, and such a miracle that he was born so whole and perfect. I can’t get over how good he smells, and sweet he is to cuddle.
All the joy, none of the work. We thank our daughter and son-in-law for giving us the gift of a grandchild, and we promise to do our very best to be the best grandparents we can possibly be.
Carolyn holding an hours-old Lucas
Carolyn and Juan Carlos with their new son
Posted by terrymckenzie ( May 07 2009, 08:21:45 AM PDT ) Permalink Comments [3]
