Monday March 23, 2009 
Monday March 23, 2009 Although in work-related situations, I have (ahem) a rather big personality, in my personal time, I'm somewhat introverted. Hate big parties. Don't like crowds. Don't like meeting strangers. Don't like asking personal questions. That kind of thing really stresses me out.
And yet, there I was on Saturday morning at All Saints Church in Pasadena, going through training on how to canvass a neighborhood and find out why people voted as they did on last November's Proposition 8. I was nervous and jittery. Not only was I doing something completely outside my comfort zone, but I was doing it with strangers. Nice strangers, mind you. Extremely appreciative and supportive strangers, in fact. But strangers.
During the training, we were taught both key messages and methodologies. We learned how to make sure there wasn't a vicious dog behind the fence, waiting to lunch on our leg. We were reminded that we had three objectives: to identify why people object to gay marriage and try to soften their view, and to entice those who support gay marriage to volunteer. The best weapon, we were told, is our personal story – why we are doing what we're doing.
Mine was easy: I'm a mom with two children, one has the right to marry because she's straight, and the other doesn't, because he's gay. As a mom, I can't live with that.
I was assigned a canvassing partner – we would work the same block on opposite sides of the street (damn... I would have been so much more comfortable if we could have worked the houses together, but we were told that was intimidating). But at least my partner had done this before...
Rob was great – in fact, spending two hours with him was the best part of the experience (you can get to know Rob at his blog, wakingupnow.com). On the ride to our district, Rob told me how hurt he was after the election, and that for awhile, he hated all straight people. That he was so angry at conservative Christians. And that he was canvassing because it was at least something he could do to make a difference. I was inspired - but still scared pea green.
We arrived at our target community (which was in the foothills, so there was lots of huffing and puffing accompanying our efforts), and I rang my first doorbell. A man came out. He became very, very angry when I told him I was there to learn about voters' views on gay marriage. He became intimidatingly angry, in fact. I was polite but got the heck out of there. They told us what to do about mad dogs, but not what to do with frothingly angry voters.
The day got better after that (how could it have gotten worse??). My high point was talking with a 75-year old grandmother who just didn't understand why people cared about gay marriage – why do they want to tell other people how to live? Don't we all deserve love and happiness? I wanted to hug her. My most puzzling conversation was with a mom like me – she also has one straight and one gay child. She raved on and on about her lesbian daughter, how responsible she was, how lovely. But no, she could not support gay marriage. Civil unions? You bet. But marriage brings in a religious piece that she feels is sacred. And, she assured me, her daughter felt the same way. Hmmm, I don't believe that for a minute, but I understood her perspective. She voted for Prop 8 last time, and would do it again.
I was shaking my head when I walked away from the door. But part of me thinks she has a point. As soon as religion enters the picture, toxins join it, and emotions get very high.
So let's do this a different way, and make ALL marriages civil unions. Mine, yours. Make sure we all have the same rights under the law. Then, if you want to be married in God's eyes, do it separately in the church of your choosing. If your church doesn't perform same sex marriages, leave it and go find a church that loves and respects you for who you are.
Live and let live. Love and let love. Equal protection under the law. I don't care much about equal protection under the church – that's not my right nor my problem as a U.S. citizen, where separation of church and state is the law of the land.
Will I canvass again? I don't know. It was a highly emotional experience, and one of the more difficult things I've done in my life. I can't promise I'll be up for it again. But on March 21, 2009, I stood up for my son, my niece, my family, my friends, my colleagues, my fellow human beings. And for that, at least, I can be proud.
Posted by terrymckenzie ( Mar 23 2009, 10:24:20 AM PDT ) Permalink Comments [3]
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Wow, mom, sounds like you had a real adventure! Can't tell you how much it means to me that you stand up for me like this. As for the religious aspect of marriage: yes, some people get married as part of their religion (Christianity, e.g.). Some people also name their children as part of their religion (christening, e.g.). Does this then mean that you shouldn't be allowed to name your child unless you follow one particular religion's prescribed rituals? Perhaps the government will only recognize a civil identification (your SSN, say), but if you want your child to have a name, well then, that's a matter of religious expression? No. That is ridiculous. Getting a name is a milestone in life whose meaning transcends faith - not unlike getting married. Knowing somebody's name is part of how we recognize him/her as an individual human being; knowing somebody is married is part of how we recognize him/her as an adult member of society. (I apologize for the blockiness of this diatribe; the comments don't allow html.) Marriage isn't about religion. If we want to get super traditional about it, it's not even about love - it's about property (thus traditions like the paying of a dowry). Marriage is a union which takes two people who were previously unrelated and makes them into one legally recognized family. The fact that Juan-Carlos is married to Carolyn makes him my brother-in-law, not my brother-in-Christ. The Christians didn't invent marriage; neither should they be allowed to hoard it all for themselves, nor to demand that the only families society recognizes be those shaped the way their traditions dictate.
Posted by ndrw on March 23, 2009 at 11:55 AM PDT #
You make a strong argument... I take it all back. Marriage is about property, you're absolutely right. And it's about making them a legally recognized family. Your point about Juan Carlos is spot on. Well stated!
Posted by Terry McKenzie on March 23, 2009 at 12:01 PM PDT #
This was a courageous thing for you to do, Terry. I applaud you for moving outside your comfort zone for something you believe in so strongly. Way to go!!
Posted by Paris on March 27, 2009 at 09:47 AM PDT #