Monday August 25, 2008 
Monday August 25, 2008 In the past month, I've been poked and analyzed, given feedback, asked about my progress and then given more feedback. I'm exhausted!
I've taken the Meyers Briggs. The FIRO-B. The Leadership Derailer Test. I've spoken with a coach - twice. I've had 360 feedback. I've had my review with my boss. I've had feedback from colleagues and from work teams.
And there's a sadly consistent theme here: my impatience carries a price, for my colleagues, my friends and myself. I can appear bored (OK, because sometimes I am bored, but I guess I shouldn't show it) and disengaged when we go into a level of detail beyond my level of interest. Because I move fast, I can be careless and inconsiderate. My derailers are my penchant for melodrama (I'm sure that's not much of a shocker for my regular readers) and eccentricity.
I look at all this and I have to ask myself the question - have I gotten a little too caught up in the wondrous myth of me? Well, yeah, probably.
So I'm off to self-improvement land. First stop: patience. How, exactly, does one become patient? How do you slow down when you're used to only going full-speed ahead? I started with a trip to Cleveland, to be with my mom for a week. My mom, as you may know, has some very serious health problems facing her. It was great to spend a full week with her, because it gave me an appreciation of what she is dealing with on a daily basis. And bless her heart, it showed me what impatience looks like to the receiver. Because impatience and my mother just might be synonyms for each other.
Whenever something doesn't work on the first attempt, my mother yells at it. The phrase almost always begins (don't read this if you're sensitive), "That goddamn [fill in the blank]...!" Computer, cell phone, DVD machine, dishwasher, etc. This is followed by aggravated pounding on the object in disgrace. I am then called to the scene of the machine's crime to try and fix it, with my mother standing over my shoulder, anxiously awaiting the results.
Note to self: impatience is not attractive.
OK, second stop: clumsiness. Honestly? This is a huge problem for me. My brain to fingers or mouth governor seems to have a leak in it. While some people find my candor endearing, others find it appalling. Combine this with two other famous McKenzie flaws, carelessness and melodrama, and you have all the ingredients for hurt feelings. With me standing there saying, "What?? What?? What did I do??"
I could go on and on, but I'll spare you the self-indulgence. I must say, though, this felt pretty good. Confession, indeed, must be good for the soul. And I can see myself rationalizing my flaws as I go. For example:
- Impatient? You bet. But I prefer to think of it as action-biased.
- Melodramatic? I prefer to think of that as deeply passionate.
- Careless? Uhh, let's see. I'm a fast thinker and sometimes one or two small items get past me? (This rationalization needs more work)
- Forgetful? That's because I'm so busy thinking great thoughts!
Posted by terrymckenzie ( Aug 25 2008, 03:45:28 PM PDT ) Permalink Comments [4]
Trackback URL: http://blogs.sun.com/tmac/entry/the_feedback_feeding_frenzy
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Well, hurry it up -- just kidding :). Love the post. Don't get too patient.
Posted by Rachel on August 26, 2008 at 08:18 AM PDT #
Love this. ... And gosh, don't get too appropriate on us, Terry.
Posted by Greg on August 26, 2008 at 11:18 PM PDT #
Terri -- But your strengths must also have been covered in your feedback, and certainly courage had to be one of them. How many people can be this transparent about the areas they're still working on, and do it with humor, and at least in this post, grace? Very admirable, friend.
Posted by Karie on August 29, 2008 at 01:13 PM PDT #
Terri, as always you're open and honest, which I love. And don't get too caught-up in the "self help hype" - be authentic to yourself, it's what got you to this place - being you is what your friends and family love you for and what your coworkers admire you for. And while some of them don't love everything you do, as long as the good outweighs the bad things will work out in the end.
Posted by Brian on August 29, 2008 at 10:26 PM PDT #